Memorial

Memorial

Bonnie Carr

Born
Died

EVERYTHING....MY BEST FRIEND to talk to....my sister to share my secrets with.....My MAMA to call when I'm sick.....The person who always BELIEVED in me , encouraged me, never gave up on me, MY BEST FRIEND.....theres not a day that goes by....there's not enough words....I AM GOING TO STAY CLEAN......my children WILL NEVER have to know this PAIN....I CAN GIVE THEM THAT.....I WILL GIVE THEM THAT....I didn't get to hold her hand....some dude I do

Tell us about your loved one.

Actual Birthday 09/16/1955, One of the most Humble, Compassionate, Loving and sensitive individuals I have ever or will ever have the pleasure of sharing my life with. My Mother loved GOD and had her own unique relationship. She also loved music and could always find the beat and was not ashamed to dance anywhere or any place. My Mother also had a beautiful ability to take scripture and form poetry out of it, she was an amazing writer. Arts and crafts were also among her many talents. But, drawing was one gift I always wished she had followed. My Mother possessed a quality about her self that made it very easy to talk with and confide in. Many people had told her secrets that she took with her to her grave and never told a soul. What made it so easy to talk with her is that she didn't judge. She wasn't so big headed with her own opinion that she couldn't actually listen to what the other person had to say. She was also a very loyal person, faithful to the people she loved. If she loved you, and was mad at you, she could say something harsh about you but, nobody else better say anything harsh about you or she would be ready to fight. She didn't stay mad. She was really good at forgiving.And she loved her grandchildren. One of the most proud grandmother's I have ever known. She was also a really good giver, she just loved to give. Give of her self, give of her time. She was an amazing woman. She was strong and had overcome so many things in her life. She had a laugh that to me sounded like music and I would do anything to hear her laugh and smile. And she was so beautiful, I mean a KNOCKOUT. I just loved to look at her. Those green eyes that sparkled like emerald gems.I miss her so much. Plus, she was so funny. She could make me laugh so hard I felt like my sides would split. It's hard to put it all into words everything about her. There was so many incredible things about her. She believed in the POWER of PRAYER,second chances and GODS GRACE.She loved to WORSHIP GOD.

Tell us about Bonnie's struggle with addiction

Bonnie was sexually abused as a child, there was also physical abuse off and on growing up. I personally have always believed that Bonnie suffered from an undiagnosed mental disorder. Going into the 2nd grade her stutter had become so bad she had completely stopped talking, If it had not been for a teacher suggesting speech therapy who knows how long her problem would have been ignored. By age 12 she began experimenting with drugs and alcohol to mask the feelings of inadequacy and discontent that she felt for herself. This quickly turned into a way of life that would torment her until her dying breath. There was no particular substance that she would not abuse. However, prescription drugs were her preferred high for many years. I was born into this lifestyle. I watched her self destruction progress in different phases over the yrs. I even witnessed her get clean and practice sobriety. However, the reason she was unable to maintain sobriety was because the work of uprooting the rotted roots that festered inside of her that made her get high to begin with were never worked on and removed out of her soul. Therefore, she stayed sick. Her way of thinking and coping with life never changed. By age 14yrs old I myself was addicted, My Mother and I got high together. I stayed high for 16yrs before I got sober and stayed, 6yrs ago . Bonnie wanted to join me, she tried many times. In the end she had resorted to crack cocaine. She would stay high for days. I wouldn't hear from her for weeks, a few times,months. She knew when she was using she had to stay away from us. Which was hard, because we were best friends. But, SHE LOVED US.The night I got that phone call at 2:00am was like a dream, I collapsed in the driveway. The sheriff had to repeat himself. I remember everything spinning. I'll never forget the WHITE SHEET that lay over her, I laid beside her, broken crack pipes,broken life,broken dreams,playing with her hair,crying,screaming, puking,singing hymns over her dead body

What made Bonnie smile?

GOD,LOVE,Helping others,her grand kids,beautiful sunsets,dancing in summer rain, the changing of leaves in the fall, sunrises on the ocean, good music, quality time with her family, friends, starry nights, good food,Psalm 73:23 , 2 Corinthians 12:9 Psalm 51:17 these scriptures always brought her such PEACE, her HUMILITY was amazing. Nothing made her smile more than knowing, GOD loved her NO MATTER WHAT. I her moments when she would realize and say 'GODS NOT DONE WITH ME YET". She would call me and I could hear her smiling over the phone, she would say....GOD JUST SPOKE TO ME,while I was reading or sitting hear or what ever it was she was doing..I just wanted to call and tell you ,HONEY.....God made her SMILE

What do you miss most about Bonnie?

EVERYTHING....MY BEST FRIEND to talk to....my sister to share my secrets with.....My MAMA to call when I'm sick.....The person who always BELIEVED in me , encouraged me, never gave up on me, MY BEST FRIEND.....theres not a day that goes by....there's not enough words....I AM GOING TO STAY CLEAN......my children WILL NEVER have to know this PAIN....I CAN GIVE THEM THAT.....I WILL GIVE THEM THAT....I didn't get to hold her hand....some dude I don't even know, that probably didn't even really know her got to be with her as she drew her last breath....I wanted to be there....I wanted to hold her hand, on her death bed, I wanted to pray with her and help her transition to the other side, I wanted to be there....I WILL DIE and HONORABLE DEATH....There is no HONOR in this.....I MISS my BEST FRIEND....I miss her SMILE... I MISS her telling me YOU CAN DO IT baby girl, don't worry everything is gonna be ok.....I MISS HER telling me I LOVE YOU, she never missed a chance to tell me ....I LOVE YOU

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