As I woke up on another Mother's Day without my son Adam I decided to share one of many letters he wrote to me before passing 3 years ago.
I'm not going to say sorry because I am sure you are sick of hearing it and to be honest I am sick of saying it. I do feel really bad about what happened last night and how I treated you and the situation you were so nice to put me in. I have had a lot of time to think in the past couple of days with a clear head... I really don't know what my problem is or why I can't just be a normal person and live a normal life. I am really tired of living this way. I have no friends, a family that I take advantage of even through all the help that give me, and no fun. I'm miserable and I am sick of it. I have talked to several people at my meetings and have gotten some great suggestions that I plan on working on. I want to prove to you and myself and show you, the rest of the family and myself that I can be successful without the use of any mood-altering substance. I really don't know if it matters anymore, but I truly have not done any drugs since I have been out of jail this time and do not plan on doing anymore. I do believe at some point I will drink alcohol again... I haven't yet, but I just don't feel like that was ever a problem for me. Just another thing I need to talk to people about before I make any rash decision. I have not taken any pills for a week now, I feel fine although I do think about them from time to time. Anyway I am going to get my textbooks tomorrow from school and plan on attending school like I did last semester. I checked my grades online today and I ended up with an A in my English class and a C in my Math class. Not real pleased with the C but I am glad I passed and felt like I did well for my first time being back in school in so many years. I gotta get some sleep to help Trent move some furniture tomorrow in his new place. I love you and look forward to our new relationship we are going to build. Also looking forward to building my trust back with you and everyone else.
Just wanted to share this realistic letter and show how troubling it is for him and all those involved. It has been 3 years since he has left us from an overdose of some bad drugs and I miss him so much each and every day.