My struggle started as a child. Dad split before I was born so my mom was with my stepdad when I was born and I always felt outside their circle. I was molested by my best friends dad from age 5-12 and my parents never did anything so I learned early on I couldn't count on them. I felt alone all my life. Started lying so people would like me because the real me had too many issues. Stealing too because if I wanted something I should have it because I was being hurt. Drugs and alcohol made me feel good about myself and got me a lot of attention. I first came to an AA meeting at age 21. My relationship with my mother has always been hard. We fight a lot, clash a lot, don’t see eye to eye as she wants to control me and I’m not going to be controlled. I’ve been in and out of recovery at five rehabs and four mental institutes. I got sober and had a son and my life together but then six years later met my partner, a drug addict (crack), and my world was turned upside down. My family believes he abused my son and they have pretty much shunned me. They have temporary custody of my son and I only get phone calls right now once a week. I’ve been on the streets, up and down, homeless, on the news for stealing, three trips to jail, and have one more coming up for something I did over a year ago in my addiction. I got sober 9-12-2018 and still have a far road ahead of me but it beats being high. I have lost family, friends, and even a baby at 21 weeks pregnant but am still fighting. I’m still in a relationship and it’s a tough one. Codependent with narcissist--what a combo but I’m trying to figure things out and deciding what is the right thing to do. I have gotten educated and am a recovery coach and I have plans for helping my community. I struggle with battle in my mind (mental health) but every day I’m not high is a victory. I’m getting counseling and I exercise regularly. Trying to still find healthy habits. Faith that God will get me where I need to be on his timing, which is perfect timing. Most rewarding part of recovery is being alive and actually being able to fight for my life and get things corrected. I get to make the once a week call to my son. I get to educate myself and help others. I get to live another day sober and grateful. I get to work on me to give me a chance. I really want to go into middle schools and high schools and teach kids about what drugs do to your life and your brain so they will think twice because the town I’m from is on a border and struggles with the drug issue.
My message would be don’t give up. The reward isn’t instant but it will come and will be greater than any day in our addiction. Recovery is real and it can be for anyone. I have been thru it all and I deal with all issues but if I can get up and fight so can anyone.