Addiction WAS my life until I came into Recovery.
Willingness is The Key.
I was born into a family suffering from genetic alcoholism/addiction. My mother drank and smoked cigarettes while pregnant with me. It's okay. She didn't know any better <3. I was born and raised in this disease so naturally I was mentally/physically/emotionally/spiritually sick from birth. I got drunk the first time when I was 8. By the time I was 11, I was put on pain pills because my periods were extremely heavy and painful. When they figured out I was actually enjoying the pills they stopped giving them but it was too late. By the time I was 19, I was a gutter junky.
I started attending school when I was 2 years old and never really had a life other than school until I was a teenager. I did manage to graduate from high school with honors but didn't go back until I was 24 to get an AAS in Mechanical Engineering Technologies, major in Design.
Due to hitting a pretty firm bottom (abortion at 6 months) when I was 22, I quit BUYING street drugs (unless you happened to be generous and gave me some). I decided that what I needed was to get married and have kids. That would fix me.
I became a functioning alcoholic at that point, and like my parents before me, passed it down to my children.
I spent most of my life in a selfish and self-centered fog, harming myself and all those around me. After 2 marriages, two children and a 5 1/2 year live-in relationship, I was physically/mentally/emotionally/spiritually bankrupt and I reached out for help.
I came to AA because in that last relationship, my partner left me. I was convinced (crazy alcoholic mind) that if I could stop drinking, he would come back. Well, that didn't happen, but I did come to a point where I realized that and wasn't willing to give up anything about AA! Higher Power pulled a Bait-and-Switch!
My sobriety date is 4/4/04. I started attending AA meetings, haven't stopped and hope never to.
I truly began my life journey at the age of 47. I got a sponsor, I got and maintain a relationship with a Higher Power, I went to meetings, I did oodles of service work, I work the 12-Steps and I carry the message.
The Message to me is love. AA is not a religious group but it is a spiritual one. One of the primary ideas is to get a Higher Power and accept that Power's help. Relying on Creator and doing the next right thing have brought me here today.
One year after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with breast cancer. If it hadn't been for AA and the other women who stood up with me at doctor's offices, biopsies, surgeries, chemo and radiation, I wouldn't be here today. If it hadn't been for people I didn't even know who came out of the woods (literally out of Ocala National Forest) who didn't know me either who did healings on me, took me to sweat lodges, made me drink the most awful herbal infusions, came to check on me, did ceremonies and prayed for me, I wouldn't be here either. Creator brought me to Healing and The Healing led me to Creator.
As a result of all of this, my employer was not satisfied with my rate of recovery from the chemo and gave me a choice to be fired or go on disability. I did not accept that at first. I spent 25 years in a man's profession scratching and clawing my way to the title of Engineer. Then I was told that when one door closes another one opens. I realized that I could do something that I had always wanted to but couldn't because of my job.
I started taking classes in Herbalism and graduated with a 4.0 GPA (and Honors) Family Herbalist certificate in 3-09. I am also a certified Reiki practitioner and Amrit Yoga Nidra Meditation instructor. I've been to school for photography and precious metal smithing. I make jewelry and it sells at Brick City Center for the Arts. I've had my guided meditations professionally recorded and they are for sale at Soul Essentials.
To say I've been blessed is an understatement. I want to bless others. I want to show others that our happiness comes from inside us, not from some external gobble-de-goop. Creator is inside. We are inside. The external world is a reflection of us.
Fear is my constant enemy; fear of losing something I already have or not getting something I want. Because of this I ask Creator to remove my fear and direct my attention to what Creator would have me be. I ask for Creator's Vision and Strength each morning. I ask Creator to guide my Perceptions, Feelings, Thoughts, Words and Actions. And I ask Creator to give me good work with Love this day.
My Way is the Way of Prayer and Love for All. I stay in the now. I open myself to be a hollow bone for whatever Creator want me to do. One thing I am sure of is that it's ALWAYS Love based.
I will help you if you're willing to help yourself. I will conduit Love to you regardless of your willingness. I work daily on loving myself more because without that I can not love You.
I am a winyan witko (crazy woman), Adanto (heart/spirit), and I Dream of Bears. WE are all One.