I Rise Up for ME

By
Veronica Smith
Tell us about your (or your loved one's) recovery journey. What has been the most rewarding part?

I was a user myself.

Do you have a message for the Shatterproof community?

I am a better person every single day!

I'm 35 years old and I have 2 beautiful kids. Up until February 23, 2017 I did drugs. I did not care about anything but drugs. I went through terrible things and did terrible things to get them. 10 years I did this, up until 2014 when I found myself along with my husband at the time, my 2 kids and my mother living in one little hotel room, no food, panhandling to get food and my kids sleeping on the floor, thankfully there was a knock at the door one day. Cops came in and took my kids from me and placed them with their father, I, along with the kids was very upset, but I knew at that time they did not need to be with me. You would think that would be enough to say ok I'm done, but unfortunately it was not. I went and got my daughter when the cps case was closed about 6 months later and I was still using. Her father called cps again and by this time my husband had been sent to prison and my mom had been too, I was alone and still making wrong decisions. Cps arrived again and this time took my daughter to foster care, I went to court half out of my mind and finally my kid's dad won custody of her, my son chose to stay with him. They were happy but not as happy as they could be if they had their mother in their lives. I hurt them so very badly and I didn't care at the time because I was just so concerned about ME. I was a liar, a thief, a bad person all around and I didn't care. I was not reliable at all, finally I somehow got an appointment and tried to put my ducks in some kind of a row to be able to have my daughter on my scheduled visitations weekends. But I met someone I had off and on known since I was a teenager and we hit it off.... and bam just like that we were doing dope together. Everything I tried to work for was gone. I didn't see my kids for over 6 months, lost it all again, but ppl who use don't really care about anything, it comes and goes and you just go with it because you're too afraid of losing that high, nothing else! It's insane how users can find a way to get their fix but not to see their kids or any important things in their lives. We lived in a motel for awhile and then moved to a little travel trailer and the last time we did dope was in February 2017, he has a whole nother story with doing drugs his entire life but that is not mine to tell, however I can say that we were both tired and done. Tired of chasing and losing everything and knowing that We were nothing but drug addicts. We finally stopped doing drugs together and got a house, we did not have any help from anyone, we stopped doing drugs cold turkey which is something I had never done. we both have very good jobs now and vehicles and thru this past year and a half we both have our kids coming every other wknd. I'm repairing my relationship with them, I am so thankful to God for many, many, different reasons. Everything is so much better, when I look back on who I used to be it just makes me sick, how could I do this to not only myself but the 2 most important people in my life? How could I make them feel like this terrible way? I hurt them, I really, really, hurt them but I know that I'm doing every single thing I can in my power to fix things. That's all I can do, I'm proud to talk about my past because that's what it is..... my past! Stepping stones are what I have now, for every step that I take, I am accomplishing something that I NEVER would have done in my past. Our lives are better, thanks for listening. I hope my story helps! Everyone can heal....