The most rewarding part of my recovery journey was the day I got my children back. They were taken from me for 8 months because I left them with an irresponsible babysitter to score some dope. She let them walk down the alley to my friend's house, and they told her their mom was gone. She called the police. This was the beginning of a life long journey. My heart just sank when I got home and the neighbor lady was hollering at me, “They got your kids!” I just couldn’t believe this was happening. No one takes my children.
Accepting my drug addiction and realizing that I am powerless was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I thank God every day that he gave me the strength and a sound mind to know when it was time to make a change. It has been 17 years and I will continue to struggle and deal with my addiction every day for the rest of my life. God granted me the serenity to accept the things I couldn’t change. He gave me the courage to change the things that I could. And, he gave me the wisdom to know the difference.
If writing this helps one person in the world, then it was all worth it.
I believe in miracles because I am one 🙌🏽
The Long Road Home
(My love affair with Crack Cocaine)
As I yearn for my children I am no longer bound by your grip. You cannot make me do things that I do not want to do. While I was with you, I was miserable. You took away my self-esteem, my pride, my children, and every other aspect of my life. When I thought about you, I would forget about everything else. I was obsessed with you. You controlled my every thought, my every being, and my every move from dusk to dawn. I neglected all my responsibilities just to spend a moment with you. Because of you, I became destitute, childless, homeless, and flat broke. I found myself wandering the streets anticipating our next time together. You would constantly harass me to make some money. You were pimping me out and causing me to do things that go against everything that I believed in. You put my life in danger. I have been robbed, beaten, raped, and dumped on the side of the road all because of my love for you. What was happening to me? What was going on in my mind? How could you control my very existence without resistance from me? After several years of putting up with you, I finally realized that you wanted to do nothing but destroy me.
I WOKE UP!
I am not going to let you rob me of one more day. I hate you. I am taking control of my life again. I am putting you away with hopes that you will never escape. I am working on rebuilding my life, my relationships, and my sanity. I fought with everything I had in me to regain custody of my children. It all began when I learned to forgive myself for my wrongdoings and realized that I am human. God showed me that I could have a healthy relationship by allowing him into my life. He treats me with kindness. He loves me. He is patient with me. He forgives me of all my wrongs. Because of him I can move forward. I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. He comforts me and lets me know everything is going to be okay. My life now has meaning. I have found myself once again and I am proud of my accomplishments.
Drugs, you can no longer have control over my life!
I AM FREE!!!
Deborah Willey 12/9/2011
Sobriety Date 3/27/2002