My recovery journey has been a long one to say the least. In order to explain the rewarding part of recovery, I have to somewhat explain the absolute terror of my addiction. I’ve fought demons within myself I never knew existed, until they did. It wasn’t until I, unofficially known as the happiest girl alive mad at the universe, was on my hands and knees begging a God I no longer believed in to let this man kill me that I realized i couldn’t live like this any longer. My addiction took me places I never knew were possible. My addiction made me throw away the world that was given to me time and time again on a silver plater. My addiction helped me stay in a relationship with a man that shot me in the face at three feet away (Thank you Lord for misfires), stabbed me two different times and left me unconscious for dead forty seven Different times. My addiction took me to the depths of literally NOT feeling broken bones or dislocated jaws and to not having a single person to help me. My addiction took me to not remembering the sound of my daughters voice, of running away even when I got the chance to FINALLY kiss the beautiful baby girl I created. The most rewarding part of my recovery? I survived what most thought I wouldn’t, couldn’t. People talked about me as if I was already dead, “if the drugs don’t kill her that boy sure will.” My recovery has shown me just how strong I truly am, just how beautiful my soul shines when it’s at peace. In my recovery I’ve found ME, I’ve found the love of my life who treats me like ROYALTY, and the most perfect four year old girl I’m trying to mend what I’ve broken with. My recovery most importantly has given me forgiveness, forgiveness to MYSELF and those that have done me wrong. I have my life back & baby I’m SHINING!
Don’t give up. I know it’s tough. I know this spill has been given to you a million times. But you know what, YOUR FUTURE IS WORTH MORE THAN YOUR FEELINGS RIGHT NOW. I promise you there’s hope. I promise you there’s life after addiction. There’s life after abuse. And the life afterward is NOTHING BUT LOVE AND COMPASSION and HOPE.