I come from a large family, four older brothers and myself, two of my brothers are also in recovery. Watching my older brothers in their active disease and the impact it had on my parents did not make any impact on me. I actually thought it "cool" that my brothers were so "crazy" and got in so much trouble. Today I am grateful we share recovery together. I am very involved in a 12 step program and I see the devastation of this disease every day. I go to funerals of those who don't survive and I watch those that think they can "handle it" again, only to watch them suffer. I see the statistics of today's opioid crisis and I am beyond frightened for our youth. I have become involved in activism in the past year and it is such an amazing feeling to be able to give back on a larger scale.
I am 100% certain recovery is possible. My experience is that recovery programs in their purest form are very basic and easy to follow, it is I who is complicated, over-analyzing and super sensitive with a disease that wants me dead but will settle for me suffering. I am sober today, happy and fulfilled. I wake up in the morning, I no longer "come to", I fall asleep at night instead of "passing out". How basic but how powerful. Being sober has allowed me to raise my children sober, they have never seen me drink or use...WOW!!! Life is amazing, please give it a try, your best try....you deserve to be happy...you are worthy....you are special!!!!!
My first drink and drug to my last drink and drug were basically the same. I drank and consumed everything that was available and I was left wanting more. At 16, I got drunk for the first time and loved everything about it, the taste, the smell, the laughter, and the feeling of being numb. I chased that with everything I had. Drugs came into the picture quickly, a "friend" told me that drugs would allow me to drink more and not get so drunk. What an easy mark I was and how powerfully desirable that statement was. Little did I know that I would do anything and I mean anything to get my drugs. No one mattered, I had no moral compass when in my active disease. The people who loved me the most were the ones I ran over like a freight train. I didn't know that drugs and alcohol worked on me like an anesthetic. I felt nothing for anyone, no shame, no guilt, no remorse, no sense of right or wrong. I absolutely believed I was living my life exactly how I wanted to. Until my life blew up like a volcano erupting. That was November of 1991 and I have not had a drink or drug since.