I miss everything about Doug! The way he made me laugh or our deep conversations. He had the most fantastic hugs. I miss him playing music and me singing with him. I miss his cooking. I miss thinking about him getting married or the grandchildren I would possibily be able to enjoy that he helped to create. I miss having hopes and dreams for his future, of the career he could achieve, of seeing him happy and successful!
Ive been reading many of the loved ones entrys here and I find it amazing that there seems to be so many similarities amongst our lost loved ones. Doug was such a kind, loving and gentle soul. He loved to write and play music ( guitar, piano and drums), loved to cook and was so very creative in the kitchen, loved to eat a good meal too! He was a person that could just light up a room when he walked in, his smile His laughter was contagious and he always wanted to make others feel good. I have heard from so many since he passed about how he reached out to them, supported them in their time of need. I saw him on Facebook that just one hour before he passed away, he was wishing someone a Happy Birthday. That's just how he always was. Doug was my first born child, he and I were inseparable throughout most of his younger years. Where ever I went, he always wanted to go too and I was happy to take him. We developed a deep friendship and could laugh and be goofy one minute or have deep philosophical conversations over mugs of coffee and a smoke. He was always very expressive with affection and was NEVER shy to hug and kiss anyone, male or female! He just made you feel like you were the most important person when you were in his presence. Even at the height of his addiction, he never abused or was disrespectful of his family. Not long before he passed away and as he was working his 4th and 5th step of the AA program he came to me crying, making amends for anything he may have said or done to hurt me. I told him I had already forgiven him, that my love for him was unconditional regardless of the outcome of his disease. I still feel this way today. I have no regrets as I know as he took his last breathes on this earth he knew he was loved by not only myself, but many many others!
Doug began using marijuana and alcohol after his father I and separated when he was about 15. There is an extensive history of alcoholism/addiction in our family tree. Im sure it started out as fun and probably was for quite a long time as his usage of chemicals progressed from cocaine to opiates ( prescriptions) to finally heroin ( when pills became too hard and expensive to buy). He began smoking/snorting heroin and was actually introduced to IV use by an addicted police officer he met in a treatment program. Doug was in jail treatment, prison alternative treatment, and IOP. He attended 100's of AA/NA meetings and attempted to work the program. He loved recovery and all that came with it however his addiction fought for its own survival. He had a lot of stress due to all of the mess that needed to be cleaned up. He was sober for six months when he relapsed. He passed away at the home of his girlfriend Helga and her children. Doug loved Helga very much and cherished both her and her children. I know that he would not have ever hurt any of them intentionally, although his death has brought much hurt sadness and yes even anger at the senselessness of it all! I think the fact that he made promises, that he spoke of wanting to live and knowing that one more use could result in his death, speaks to just how powerful, baffling and cunning this disease is.
Doug was ALWAYS smiling! He had the most wonderful beautiful smile, perfect straight white teeth! Being with family and friends, hanging out with his brother Michael, being with his girlfriend Helga and her children, playing guitar, listening to music he loved, watching movies or funny videos, being in nature.
I miss everything about Doug! The way he made me laugh or our deep conversations. He had the most fantastic hugs. I miss him playing music and me singing with him. I miss his cooking. I miss thinking about him getting married or the grandchildren I would possibily be able to enjoy that he helped to create. I miss having hopes and dreams for his future, of the career he could achieve, of seeing him happy and successful! I miss his phone calls or texts or him just saying " I love you mama" Not a day goes by that I dont miss my son....;(