Bonnie Ann Carr, not only MY MOTHER, but my BEST FRIEND and SISTER. The best secret keeper I have ever known and one who would always listen and I knew never judged. A heart of gold, who would literally take her socks off her feet and give them to me. Beautiful from the inside out and never knew it. Talented beyond belief and never used it.
Beautiful soul. Easy to talk with. Great listener. She loved her family and enjoyed being a grandmother. It was a privilege to spend time with us. Creative and artistic. A servants heart. Enjoyed gardening and watching movies. Very easy to please. She had the GIFT of GIVING and asked for nothing in return. She could take one verse of scripture and write a whole page of poetry out of it. When she worshiped, she did it with all her heart and she LOVED GOD.
Bonnie struggled with drugs and alcohol her whole life. It began when she was 11 or 12 years old. She was physically, mentally, and sexually abused as a child. She was in multiple abusive relationships as a woman. Pills and alcohol was what she struggled with the most but in the end she died from a crack-cocaine and wellbutrin overdose. The wellbutrin will always be a mystery for me as I believe after being on crack for 5 days she then took the wellbutrin, which is an anti-depressant to end her life. I will never know. She did attempt many times to quit but in the end she simply would not surrender and face her fear. I believe the suppressed memories that were surfacing through her counseling--about her father molesting her as a child--were too much for her to bear, the pain was to intense and because she had no other coping skills, she dealt with it the best way she knew how and that was to use. It was also brought to my attention after she died that she had been diagnosed with throat cancer, a secret that was kept from me as she knew I would have insisted on treatment; another mystery that I will never know. I myself use to use drugs with my mother, I have been clean for 10 years now but she did not get clean. It was very hard having to set boundaries that said if you're high you can't come by but I had to protect myself and my family. She would go weeks, sometimes months, without calling or coming by and that hurt me greatly. Especially my oldest son who was very close to her. Her addiction stole more than I can ever explain. And it didn't just hurt her it killed us all. There is a brokenness inside of me that will never heal until I go home to be with JESUS and I pray everyday that she made it so that I can see her face again. RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE I MADE IT SO CAN YOU.
Seeing me succeed, seeing her grandchildren happy, worshiping GOD, time with family.