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I am a grieving mother of a seventeen-year-old daughter in college. Last year on September 18, 2017, I lost my only daughter. I worked and struggled so hard along with my beautiful daughter Elena Marie Papp-Peraza to graduate from high school and start a new fresh start in college. However, God had other plans for her.
Elena is Cuban/American, I use the word "is" because she is still alive within all the hearts of all those that meant her. and for me she's just moved to Heaven. Elena's struggled since very young: she is very strong-willed, she is very stubborn. She had a weight problem and struggled with her sugar obsessions until she reached puberty, always way ahead of her time she was born with a tooth on her bottom gum. She walked at four months old where I placed her on her new walker and she just picked it up and started walking. Once she hit pubescence Elena started struggling with major PMS, Daddy abandonment issues and depression. I overprotected her, I didn't want other kids bullying her so I was constantly fighting her battles. At about age thirteen she started experimenting with alcohol. I couldn't have alcohol at home because their were always kids in my home and she'd take it and share it with her friends. I became very anxious. My brother came to visit and ended up staying with us for a whole year, he was told if he didn't give up his nicotine habit he would not live another six months. Somehow in a couple of months miraculously my brother quit smoking and decided to stay with us. I have no idea how she persuaded him to stop but he did. Little did I, who am a non-smoker ever think she was going to soon pick up the habit. So it started with alcohol, regular cigarettes and then marijuana. She became even very defiant and would never listen to house rules; however she made the highest grades in her classroom peers. I read of certain boy promiscuity issues but I didn't believe it so I questioned her and she denied it. I confronted the boy and he swore he would never touch her again. When I questioned her she became very defensive and would become extremely rebellious. She just wouldn't listen. Thank God I had my own business where I could cater to all her wants. My brother used to say, " how are we or you, ever going to work, (he had three grown daughters of his own) when Elena is a full time job and a half time job at that", he'd say. She became his baby. She is a lot younger than his daughters. Summer time rolled around we decided to visit Miami, where the rest of the family lived. There Elena became extremely disobedient. She would see her dad and come home crying not wanting to see the father and the stepmom who was very mean to her. She didn't want to talk about but I could see the sadness in her eyes. I spoiled her, I wanted to make up so hard for the love she never received from her dad. At the time I moved in with her and my fiance he didn't have any daughters so she became his little one. He requested we had her IQ tested and surely enough she is extremely gifted. Life was grand, she ruled the home but in a good way until he walked out on me and she was devastated. Once again another male betrays her. She became very introverted, not much communication. She started stealing my anxiety meds and passing them out at school. I couldn't move her back to Houston because she became out of control. I stayed in Miami hoping the family could be of support but she turned all into a wind world of doubt and then OD on Benadryl, Tylenol pm's, whatever she could get her hands on. In Florida she was "Baker Acted" many times. I have never seen so many hospital rooms, emergency rooms, doctors, nurses, ERs', psychologists, psychiatrist, sleepless nights in my life. It became a vicious circle. I sold my investment home, which was basically my retirement pad, my car, my business put her in a wilderness camp in Utah had her psychiatrically evaluated, law sues with the father, guardian enlighten, lawyers all to end up much worse than where I started. In court she pursued the judge and the guardian that I was the crazy one that I was overprotecting. The father would just sit in court and was not asked for any type of involvement in her life because the stepmother didn't want Elena in her house. Everywhere she went she wouldn't communicate much with grownups. Her "family", like she claimed became her friends that I totally disapproved off and so did everyone else; however when I spoke with other families everyone claimed to be having the same problems. I just figured with her intelligence I'm ahead of the game wait till she graduates from high school and she will live a different life in college. I believed it was just she wasn't challenged enough at school. She was always ahead. Her friends were two years and older, due the fact she was taking such advanced classes. It was all very overwhelming she became very anxious, she was given anti-depressants, anxiety and sleeping pills that later on I found out she was mixing them with alcohol or what not to get the high. Mind you, this is all very difficult for me to understand because I've never used drugs and am old schooled, somewhat she used to be. She did whatever in her power to become popular and keep the boyfriends. It progressively got worse. I never denied her monies for her basic needs once in college; however little did I know she wasn't using the funds for food, clothing and toiletries. She moved in the dorm a homeless friend I previously had kicked out of our house. Hurricane Irma hit, the dorms were shut down, I was traveling for business couldn't get to Miami, she wouldn't listen and get on a plane to meet me. Instead she stayed with her brother and girlfriend after long hours of waiting for her to appear. As soon as the dorms opened again she claimed to want to go back to study and get her life at the dorm organized. I was basically run down exhausted, I couldn't keep up with all this drama, the courts, the drugs & alcohol, the parties, friends. I finally went to see her. I have never in my life with my Angel experience all the love and hugs she gave to me. Never ever would i have thought this was our goodbyes Elena until infinity. It was and it will remain in our lives until the Heavens and Infintity. I spoke and facetime you on that Sunday you claimed to be back at the dorm we hung up. Incredibly at the time of your passing I was asleep and woke up from a massive right side headache called and the cops answered your phone and the cops told me there were three girls in over town in a car . One was on the floor, on the outside of the car, another drugged out in the back and another had just passed out. I was told to wait. One second seemed a million years, until I was told after calling many times that the social worker would call me. It wasn't good news. My angel went to Heaven. Love you till Infinity our movie.
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