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Catherine Ann Carrington

Age 48
Mama, friend, heart of gold
Catherine Carrington
Age 48
48

My mom struggled with addiction for a big part of her life. She didn't have the best childhood which led to a lot of the issues she had in adulthood. In 1999 she got hooked on crystal meth for a few years. After that it changed who she was. When my mama was on that horrible drug she was a person I didn't know. Mind you I was thirteen at the time. She would be the meanest person in the world then the next minute she was the most kind loving woman. It took her a while to get off the drugs. But when she did she just traded one addiction for another one which was pills. And that addiction never ended. In January of 2017 her boyfriend died of a blood clot to the heart. And that set off the events leading to her death. They were together for about 6 years. He was good to her but sadly like many others in my mama life turn the other cheek to what she was doing. Halfway through that year her dad passed away which whom she was estranged from. Coincidentally he left her approximately 12 grand. She got the money 3 weeks before her death. That afforded her to get more and more of her pills and alcohol. And there was no shortage of so-called friends at her side. I noticed a dramatic change in her. It was like she could no longer hide the fact of her addiction to opioids. Even tho she still denied it. The day she died she called me that afternoon. I could tell in her voice she was on something and I was in a rush to go to work and I kinda blew her off. I got off work that night and I watched a bit of tv and was getting ready for bed when I heard a knock at the door. It was do surreal to hear my uncle say the words your mama is gone. He drove me to her house where she still lay face down on her couch cuddled to a pillow. Finally, her mind was at rest. Pills finally took my mama. And I pray her story will help anyone out there struggling with addiction.

Introduction

My mama was a strong, beautiful, full of life woman who had a rough life with addiction that ultimately claimed her life

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Jasmine Brooks Dennis

Age 35
Sister, daughter, mother, friend....
Jasmine Dennis
Age 35
35

The word heroin gives me the chills. The word heroin reminds me of the pain I feel for the sister I lost due to this horrible epidemic. My sister was only 35 years old when she lost her life. She was a mother of 6 and loved her kids so much. She was the middle child and was so ditsy. She was what I would call the biggest hypochondriac. My sister loved EVERYONE and everyone loved her. Jasmine battled so long with her demons. She was so brave and went through so much hell during her time on this earth. Addiction sucks. I miss her. What I wouldn't give to see her one more time. 💔

Introduction

What I wouldn't give to see my sister again.

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Ali Renee Brown

Age 20
Mother, Sister, Daughter, Loud, and Happy
Ali Brown
Age 20
20

Ali Brown lived a life full of laughter, adventure, and bravery. Her laugh was infectious and to this day as I sit here I can hear that laugh so vividly in my mind. She never stopped searching for adventure, whether that was a nightly cruise around the city, a trip to Six Flags, or the latest gossip it was all exciting to her. She was brave in every situation she was thrown into even when she didn't believe she had anything left inside of her. When she was a senior in high school she became pregnant with her son and through every distraction and every doubt she had in her mind she used all of her bravery to walk across the stage, 8 months pregnant, and receive her diploma with her family cheering her on every step of the way. In that moment she was her own hero and she was her child's hero. When the drug use began it was apparent that she had let her bravery slip and decided that drugs would take its place. She was lost and depressed BUT in that time of turmoil in her life drugs never defined Ali Brown. Drugs were never something that dimmed her shine and she definitely didn't allow anything to get in the way of her passion for life. Through nursing school, raising a curly headed crazy little boy, various job opportunities, and the inevitable hardships throughout she always fought. I think it is important to understand that although drugs were a part of her life, they weren't apart of her make-up. She made a life for herself and her son and she continued to do so until she couldn't any more. We love you so much Ali Renee!

Introduction

Ali Renee Brown was the sunshine in any room she walked into. She loved her family, friends, and son unconditionally and until she took her very last breath. She was brave and extraordinary in every step she took in her life.

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Cassidy Ann Camino

Age 32
Daughter, Mother, Sister.......kind
Cassidy Camino
Age 32
32

Cassidy was beautiful, funny, sweet, and most of all, kind. Sometimes to a fault. She was the essence of the saying, "give you the shirt off her back," even when she had no other. She loved animals. She loved chocolate. She loved tiramisu and The Walking Dead TV show. She loved the Twilight series. She loved doing hair and being a hair-dresser. She loved make-up - and helping people use make-up. She was really good at it. She loved the beach when it was a hot summer day. Most of all, more than anything else, she loved her children. And in spite of the times she really could not be a mom to her children—she loved them with all her heart. And, she made them perfect. She loved holidays! She loved making them special for her kids. She would shop and prepare and create surprises that brought joy to her children’s faces. She made them feel special. Her heart and her kindness will forever live on in those kids.

Introduction

My daughter, Cassidy.

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Elizabeth Komisar

Age
Talkative, giving, loving
Elizabeth Komisar
Age

My mom was a hard worker and cared deepy for her kids. She tried many rehab programs but could not beat her addiction or take care of us or herself anymore. Her death is so painful at times, even now as I grow deeper into adulthood. She is missed more than she will ever know.

Introduction

My mom, Liz was a mother of 3, a true "sports mom" who sat through countless practices and games and could talk to a fly on the wall. She loved gardening and was a waitress. Her quirky and overly talkative personality sometimes embarrased me as a teenager and makes me smile today.

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Holly Gallant

Age 37
Funny, Big sister, daughter, social butterfly
Holly Gallant
Age 37
37

My sister, Holly, struggled with addiction almost half of her life. After being hit by a car in her early twenties she got hooked on pain pills. Years of being over-prescribed turned to heroin use. In 2016 she spent 3 months in the hospital after her organs were destroyed from her heroin use. Heart valves replaced, physical rehab, temporary dialysis, lung problems, we thought this would be the final straw for her to make a change. But her demons didn't stay away for long. She tried, really hard, to stay clean. She was tough, street-smart, a brown belt in karate, but addiction was the one thing that was no match for her. Finding a good treatment center that would take her was nearly impossible. And once she was out of the hospital and emerged in her old life again getting her to go to rehab was even more impossible.
She spent most of her life embarrassed and ashamed of her addiction. Hiding, being distant to avoid the shame. This stigma that she was afraid to face ultimately killed her. She passed away 4 months after her long hospital stay due to opioid use.
I miss her dearly. Her craziness and love for drama. Her loud mouth and love for celeb gossip. The things you take for granted when you think someone will be around forever.

Introduction

Holly was a big sister to 4 younger siblings. She was loud and fun. Trouble was her middle name, but she was always the protector of the weak and bullied. She loved hiking and sunflowers and was the ultimate storyteller.

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Matthew Jay Hunt

Age 36
Son, brother, father, uncle, nephew, god father and friend to many. Anyone who had the blessing of knowing Matthew knew they had made a true, kind and loyal friend for life.
Matthew Hunt
Age 36
36

Matthew was a wonderful boy right from birth. He was the type of baby every parent wish they had. Slept well, playful, just a happy boy all around. He did all the normal things babies do but always happy an with a smile. He played well with others, was gentle with animals and just a joy to have around. His dad and I divorced when he was just 2 and it was hard on him. When he was left at daycare or a friends to play he had to be constantly reminded that I'd be back to get him. His dads leaving left him with a fear of abondonment but we worked thru it an he was fine. He did well in school, was smart an had many friends. He was very well adjusted. I remarried when he was 6 and gave birth to his sister when he was 7. He adjusted very well to his new step dad an adored his sister. We moved from CT to FL after her birth an he adjusted well. He continued to do well in school, loved being a big brother an was happy to now have a dad who played ball with him, swam in the pool, went to the park, was just totally physically involved in his life unlike his biological dad wasn't. He flew back to CT on holidays, vacations an 2 months in the summer so he still kept a relationship with him who had also remarried an had children. He had a normal childhood involved in baseball at which he excelled, formed life long friendships which he still had when he passed, loved to swim, play basketball, watch wrestling, just a well rounded childhood. Even into his early teens he was respectful, worked a part time job an watched his sister after school while I worked. He was responsible and just a good kid. I think in his whole life he had 1 physical fight because he had to defend himself against a boy who attacked him. He wasn't a fighter even though he was physically fit he'd walk away or talk the other boy out of it. He did not like to fight. If he had to he could but would prefer not to. He helped out with chores an really was just a good kid. Of course he did child an teenage pranks but nothing hurtful. Things were so different at that time. In high school when drugs were around he tried them but it was just like a phase. He did get into smoking pot with his friends but it wasn't a problem. He didn't go to the drinking parties bc the few times he did drink he said he just didn't like it. I developed a drinking problem when he was in high school an I think my behaviors made him not want to drink. My marriage ended an I was left to raise them on my own while working 3 jobs. We had some very rough years, my marriage became violent, my drinking escalated an I threw my husband out. It was a very ugly time of my life that lasted 3 years an I got into recovery. Matt was 18, his girlfriend who was 16 became pregnant an she moved to her moms in CA. Matt wanted to be a dad to his son so he took a bus an moved to CA. Their relationsh didn't last so he got his own place out there an had his son on weekends. He would come to FL on vacation but was still mad at me for my drinking before he left so he wouldn't let me see his son. I had 4 years in recovery but he said he didn't trust me to not drink an did not want his son around me. I was devestated but i understood how he felt. I went back to school, got my degree an a great job. His sister an I were still living together an doing well. His sons mom started doing meth an he reached out to me for help. I thank god I was still clean an sober an could be there for him. He hired an attorney an won sole custody an allowed me into my grandsons life. He even flew him from CA to FL to spend 2 weeks with me. He met a new girl in college becoming a vet an married her. We flew out to CA an attended their wedding when she graduated with her doctorate. It was wonderful an were a family again. He had a great job in Sacramento but he left it when she took a position in a vet practice 400 miles away. Its so hard to condense all these years together an it sounds so jumbled. Meanwhile his sister got involved with pills, went thru treatment here in FL an moved to CA with them for a new start. Matt had surgery on his knee from a basketball injury but recivered nicely. His sister was working an doing well helping out with Kyle when Matt injured his back an needed surgery an was out of work for 6 months. At some point his wife started drinking socially an then it turned to drinking like an alcoholic. Matt needed a 2nd back surgery an this time they kept him on pain meds much longer. It was over a year before they stopped prescribing them but by then it was too late. He turned to buying them on the street. He couldn't stop but didn't want to go into treatment.it became a mess. His sister moved back to FL with me, he continued to buy pills on the street an his wife had an affair. He was a functioning addict as long as he had pills but he was needing more an more. He stayed with his wife hoping she'd stop drinking but she didnt think she had a problem. My heart was broken because I know I'm powerless over someone else's addiction. He finally decided to get on subuxone to quit the pills an to leave his wife. He left his beautiful home an all his possessions, gatheredup his sons things, packed his car an drove here to FL. He was a mess when he got here, got his son lright into school an found a psychiatric to wean him off suvuxone. It took 6 long months oh physical, mental, an emotional torture to get off it..i thank God I had 15 years of working a solid program of recovery to take care of him. It was heartbreaking watching him go thru withdrawals for 6 solid months. He should have been in a hospital but wouldn't go. Little by slowly he began to eat, sleep, shower and come around. He started to go to the gym, swim laps an play basketball after 5 months. He was like a Phoenix rising out of the ashes. I saw my son coming back to life. He hired an attorney an got his divorce. He got a job an bought a brand new car. He was even looking at a new house to buy for him an his son an he started dating. He got back in touch with his friends an was going out. One thing he never did was join a 12 step program because he said he wasn't an addict. He could do it on willpower.my son was back an I was amazed! I had a dr apt 1 morning, he was taking his son to school an as I was leaving he hugged an kissed me an said if he wasn't here when I got back he was at the gym but would be home shortly. Ok. I came home an his son was in the computer downstairs an told me his transcripts were not in yet and they wouldn't let him stay. His dad was upstairs in the bathroom either showering or drinking coffee on his phone. A little bit later he said to me my dads been in there a long time. Go bang on the door I told him. No he gets mad he said. Then he said it again. Go bang on the door an tell him I said come out. He came back down an said he's not answering an the doors locked. I flew upstairs banging on the door, nothing. I grabbed a screwdriver an took the doorknob off. My son was fully dressed on his knees half in the tub with the bar an shower curtain on him. Kyle shouldered the door in and screamed. He pulled him out of the tub an we laid him on the floor. I couldn't find a pulse in his neck or his wrist an he felt coil to my touch. There was a $5 bill an a straw on the vanity. His son is screaming I knew this was gonna happen. I ran to call 911 an kyle started CPR till the 1st responders got here an took over. They made us go downstairs. Sheriffs dept, detectives, fire ppl flooded in an they started questioning us. I called my daughter an said come home, Matt's OD'd and hung up. They took us aside questioning us like criminals. A photographer came in thru the garage door taking pictures it was a nightmare. They came downstairs an said he didn't make it. A detective took me out back questioning me an when I went in my grandson was gone. They said he said he was going to kill himself so they cuffed my 17 yr old boy put him in a cop car an took him to a psyche hospital without even telling me! It was a nightmare until a victim's advocate came in an told them to stop. My daughter came in an they restrained her from going upstairs. It's been 17 months an the scene going thru my mind is like it just happened. Our world as we knew it ended that day. We are in a war with this opioid crisis with no end in sight. My son had not done a drug in over one year. I'll never know why he picked up. What I do know is I called my sponsor immediately and I have no desire to use. My whole family is so broken an there's not a thing I can do about it. But I can be vocal an share my story in hopes that it saves even 1 life. It took 3 months for the tox screen to come back because there are that many deaths. My son died from an accidental overdose of fentanyl 1 day before his 37th birthday. This shouldn't have happened but it did. No mother should have to bury their child ever! I'm sorry for this jumbled writing, misspelled words etc but it's hard to type on this little phone thru the tears. The way I feel I can't believe I'm even still alive. There is no greater pain. But my God must have some plan for me I just don't know what it is yet.

Introduction

My 36 yr old son Matthew was a shining star. A single dad to his son Kyle, a loving devoted brother to his 27 yr old sister Melyssa and a kind an true friend with the guys he knew since childhood. He was handsome, bright with a great sense of humor. He was always a hard worker with a good job. He left his imprint on the hearts of all who knew him. He excelled at basketball even into adulthood playing on men's leagues. Always there to help anyone out who needed help. He was a wonderful son and my best friend. He was just an all-around nice guy and his son was always his number 1 priority. He had Kyle when he was just 18 and won sole custody when he was just 24 because Kyle's mom got involved in meth and could no longer take proper care of Kyle. He was always there to step to the plate concerning his son putting his own life aside to do whatever it took to raise his 6 year old properly. Life was all about family an raising his son in the proper, respectful. Kind, educated way a boy should be raised in. At 1 time he even took his sister in for 3 years from FL to CA to get a new start. He was a giving, generous, true gentleman.

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Elena Marie Papp-Peraza

Age 17
Beautiful, kind, nonjudgemental, brilliant and strong-willed.
Elena  Papp-Peraza
Age 17
17

Elena is Cuban/American, I use the word "is" because she is still alive within all the hearts of all those that meant her. and for me she's just moved to Heaven. Elena's struggled since very young: she is very strong-willed, she is very stubborn. She had a weight problem and struggled with her sugar obsessions until she reached puberty, always way ahead of her time she was born with a tooth on her bottom gum. She walked at four months old where I placed her on her new walker and she just picked it up and started walking. Once she hit pubescence Elena started struggling with major PMS, Daddy abandonment issues and depression. I overprotected her, I didn't want other kids bullying her so I was constantly fighting her battles. At about age thirteen she started experimenting with alcohol. I couldn't have alcohol at home because their were always kids in my home and she'd take it and share it with her friends. I became very anxious. My brother came to visit and ended up staying with us for a whole year, he was told if he didn't give up his nicotine habit he would not live another six months. Somehow in a couple of months miraculously my brother quit smoking and decided to stay with us. I have no idea how she persuaded him to stop but he did. Little did I, who am a non-smoker ever think she was going to soon pick up the habit. So it started with alcohol, regular cigarettes and then marijuana. She became even very defiant and would never listen to house rules; however she made the highest grades in her classroom peers. I read of certain boy promiscuity issues but I didn't believe it so I questioned her and she denied it. I confronted the boy and he swore he would never touch her again. When I questioned her she became very defensive and would become extremely rebellious. She just wouldn't listen. Thank God I had my own business where I could cater to all her wants. My brother used to say, " how are we or you, ever going to work, (he had three grown daughters of his own) when Elena is a full time job and a half time job at that", he'd say. She became his baby. She is a lot younger than his daughters. Summer time rolled around we decided to visit Miami, where the rest of the family lived. There Elena became extremely disobedient. She would see her dad and come home crying not wanting to see the father and the stepmom who was very mean to her. She didn't want to talk about but I could see the sadness in her eyes. I spoiled her, I wanted to make up so hard for the love she never received from her dad. At the time I moved in with her and my fiance he didn't have any daughters so she became his little one. He requested we had her IQ tested and surely enough she is extremely gifted. Life was grand, she ruled the home but in a good way until he walked out on me and she was devastated. Once again another male betrays her. She became very introverted, not much communication. She started stealing my anxiety meds and passing them out at school. I couldn't move her back to Houston because she became out of control. I stayed in Miami hoping the family could be of support but she turned all into a wind world of doubt and then OD on Benadryl, Tylenol pm's, whatever she could get her hands on. In Florida she was "Baker Acted" many times. I have never seen so many hospital rooms, emergency rooms, doctors, nurses, ERs', psychologists, psychiatrist, sleepless nights in my life. It became a vicious circle. I sold my investment home, which was basically my retirement pad, my car, my business put her in a wilderness camp in Utah had her psychiatrically evaluated, law sues with the father, guardian enlighten, lawyers all to end up much worse than where I started. In court she pursued the judge and the guardian that I was the crazy one that I was overprotecting. The father would just sit in court and was not asked for any type of involvement in her life because the stepmother didn't want Elena in her house. Everywhere she went she wouldn't communicate much with grownups. Her "family", like she claimed became her friends that I totally disapproved off and so did everyone else; however when I spoke with other families everyone claimed to be having the same problems. I just figured with her intelligence I'm ahead of the game wait till she graduates from high school and she will live a different life in college. I believed it was just she wasn't challenged enough at school. She was always ahead. Her friends were two years and older, due the fact she was taking such advanced classes. It was all very overwhelming she became very anxious, she was given anti-depressants, anxiety and sleeping pills that later on I found out she was mixing them with alcohol or what not to get the high. Mind you, this is all very difficult for me to understand because I've never used drugs and am old schooled, somewhat she used to be. She did whatever in her power to become popular and keep the boyfriends. It progressively got worse. I never denied her monies for her basic needs once in college; however little did I know she wasn't using the funds for food, clothing and toiletries. She moved in the dorm a homeless friend I previously had kicked out of our house. Hurricane Irma hit, the dorms were shut down, I was traveling for business couldn't get to Miami, she wouldn't listen and get on a plane to meet me. Instead she stayed with her brother and girlfriend after long hours of waiting for her to appear. As soon as the dorms opened again she claimed to want to go back to study and get her life at the dorm organized. I was basically run down exhausted, I couldn't keep up with all this drama, the courts, the drugs & alcohol, the parties, friends. I finally went to see her. I have never in my life with my Angel experience all the love and hugs she gave to me. Never ever would i have thought this was our goodbyes Elena until infinity. It was and it will remain in our lives until the Heavens and Infintity. I spoke and facetime you on that Sunday you claimed to be back at the dorm we hung up. Incredibly at the time of your passing I was asleep and woke up from a massive right side headache called and the cops answered your phone and the cops told me there were three girls in over town in a car . One was on the floor, on the outside of the car, another drugged out in the back and another had just passed out. I was told to wait. One second seemed a million years, until I was told after calling many times that the social worker would call me. It wasn't good news. My angel went to Heaven. Love you till Infinity our movie.

Introduction

I am a grieving mother of a seventeen-year-old daughter in college. Last year on September 18, 2017, I lost my only daughter. I worked and struggled so hard along with my beautiful daughter Elena Marie Papp-Peraza to graduate from high school and start a new fresh start in college. However, God had other plans for her. Elena, "Nini", as we nicknamed her was born a millennium baby, from the time of her entrance onto her short journey on earth, Elena showed her strong, stubborn character she possessed. I am sure she is ruling the heavens and now taking care of her loved ones here on this journey we call "Life". My angel I'm sure her wings are just as strong as her presence on earth. I will always love you, Nini! I will always carry you in my heart and move forward with your strength and thank God, with this wonderful gift I have found on the web, Shatter Proof to vicariously attain the strength to help heal others. "Peace, Love & Eternity", my angel.

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Kyle Scott Mackenthun

Age 28
Heart of Gold
Kyle Mackenthun
Age 28
28

I was blessed to grow up with Kyle. I can't remember a time he wasn't sweet as pie. He loved his family very much. I rarely saw him without a smile on his face. He was a great communicator and always took the time to genuinely ask about how I was doing and what was going on in my life. He was always close with his parents and enjoyed hunting or boating with them and his brothers. My cousins and I were spread across the nation as we grew older, but we still loved getting together once a year and catching up. We spent summers on the Mississippi River and on Dear Lake in Minnesota and family reunions at the Holiday Inn in Moline IL. I will never forget those precious times and I will never forget the kind person my cousin Kyle was.

Introduction

Kyle Mackenthun will be dearly missed. He had the biggest heart and was always so kind to everyone around him. He deserved happiness and deserves peace.

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Adam West

Age 28
Infectious smile, unforgettable, son, brother and friend!
Adam West
Age 28
28

Adam with an infectious smile and contagious energy! He was someone you don't miss in a room, he stood out in crowds. He was smart and funny, compassionate and caring. He would do anything for anyone! He loved his Harley his family and his friends. Adam's addiction does not define him. Addiction does not discriminate. I hope sharing a little bit about Adam can raise some awareness to those who still struggle to battle with addiction. Adam may be gone but he will never be forgotten and I will continue to share his story in hopes to raise awareness. Adam lives on through memory and the hopes to END THE STIGMA, NOT A LIFE. RIP you are loved <3

Introduction

My dear friend Adam, I remember him calling me one day shortly before he had past. As always it was "How's it going pretty lady!" Adam was always such a flirty gentleman and so fun to be around. Adam wanted to hang out and catch up and for whatever reason I can't remember we just never got around to doing so before his life was tragically take by addiction. I'll always regret not having made the time for one last memory with such a remarkable soul!

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Christopher Mark Roberts

Age 33
Loving, caring, son, father, friend
Christopher Roberts
Age 33
33

Christopher was a loving and caring person who battled a demon he could not beat. He was very humiliated by his disease and pulled away from everyone in an effort to hide it. Those who fought it with him knew how hard he tried to overcome it while so many others never realized he had a problem. When he was sober he was so fun and goofy. He loved children and always took up time with them. He had so much natural talent and so much to offer. His heart was his beloved Heather and their beautiful daughter Tempy. He tried to fight this for them but it finally got the better of him. Our prayer is that this may help even one person or family to overcome the horror brought on by drugs. He will forever be missed and will never be forgotten. We will never stop fighting to end the destruction of drugs. We pray for Gods blessings and peace for all affected.

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Sara Elisabeth Nixon

Age 36
Beautiful daughter, strong, stubborn and courageous
Sara Nixon
Age 36
36

Always a little moody as a youngster, Sara was pretty and sweet with the world seemingly on her shoulders. She was raised by me, her mom, as her father had disappeared after knowing I was pregnant. She needed a strong father figure but never had one. I'm sure there was a hole in her heart missing a dad. She was a wild child as she became a teenager looking to find herself in altered states... I constantly was warning her about drugs and taking care of herself. She was an Aries and hard headed and never wanted to do anything except what was her way. I often felt I didn't know her as she often reminded me. I wish I had more happy times to tell about her, but it was a hard job getting her to finish school, find work, be responsible and help her mom. I hope to learn someday why she felt so defiant... a mental health issue? An overprotective mom? A world that was hard on her? I loved her with everything I had from the minute she arrived in this world and I wonder if I could have made her life happier somehow.

Introduction

My only child, my Sara, lost her life to a fentanyl overdose after being tossed from rehab and finding her way to the place she always called home... Ligonier, Pennsylvania. Only two months later she was gone. She had struggled for 17 hard years and had thought she could make it through herself and with friends support after losing confidence in rehabs help. She was always so strong in many ways, but wrote in her journal that the opioids were gripping her. In the last month of her life she planned and prepared to go to beauty school and then died the morning of the tour.

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Madalyn Rae Ringham

Age 22
A light to all
Madalyn Ringham
Age 22
22

Maddy Rae was 22 when she took her last dose of heroin. She was a beautiful girl with a hard struggle after her first introduction to heroin. Yet she was a free-spirit who loved to laugh, play and be silly, she was always the life of any party, gathering, home or relationship she had. Maddy was very close with her grams and mom, yet even if you were just an acquaintance, she would treat you as you were her best friend. Her favorite thing to do was help people and make them smile, and she was more gifted at it than anyone I have ever known.

Maddy had been in and out of rehabs after she went to prison for 19 months, at the age of 19. Although heroin had not really gotten her too hooked prior to prison, after prison she suffered from a full blown addiction. She got in trouble for stealing a 1/4 pound of marijuana from an 18 year old drug dealer. This guy reported her and the others with her, and although her first offense, they gave her maximum sentencing as well as putting her in the most dangerous prison. It was there where she was introduced to a real crime centered life... drugs, fighting, stealing, etc.
Despite her location, even in prison, Maddy inspired and helped hundreds of girls find peace and happiness in their souls. After her passing, the letters flooded in, even from women who were on death row, whom Maddy had imagined to inspire and bring love to their hearts. Such as though she was a gift from God to be sent to these places to bring light and laughter. As, no matter where she was, that was what she brought.

After prison, Maddy found a boy that could provide her with all the heroine and drugs she wanted. He, too, suffers from addiction and he is a dealer as well. As she continued to do drugs, the parole agency and her family (me) became more and more worried and so multiple rehabs were tried. The one rehab had her sober for 43 days, and truly, it was an amazing 43 days. She was so proud of herself, family counseling sessions were so positive and building for her self-esteem, self-worth, and motivation to stay clean. However, as Christmas approached, and she had not seen a Christmas since before her prison sentence, she got stir crazy and called her boyfriend to pick her up. It wasn't hours later when she was high. Christmas day came around, and she told me she would be ready to go back to rehab the next day. The day after Christmas, she returned to the rehab just to leave the next week, which led to jail (parole violation) and then to a court approved rehab out of the city. Yet, even that did not stop her. She managed a ride from there to her last dose. Many could not believe she was addicted to this ugly drug, she was the epitome of beautiful. Inside and Outside. People all over the coast celebrated her life in the most beautiful reverie. She was best friends with her mom and grandma whom she called mamma and grams. Her smile could take a sick person out of a coma as if it was alive. She loved so deeply and raw. Never minding the haters or naysayers. She just smiled and carried on. She longed for a family, yet she understood her addiction needed curing before she could bring a child in this world. Maddy has one sister and one brother. Both of whom loved her beyond words. She was like the glue to us all. The one whom we fret and worried about... or laughed and giggled about. She also has two stepsisters, whom she showed the meaning of true beauty, as both girls had a not so healthy background of what it means for a woman to have true beauty, she showed them true beauty is an inside job. Maddy displayed this in her life, despite her challenges, that the most important thing in the whole world is to be kind and loving to the people you meet, yet take no crap! And that is what made her the most beautiful of beautiful souls. She will be missed every single day. I, her mom, fought tooth and nail to keep her alive. The day the news came felt like the biggest defeat of my life.
I miss her every single day. I struggle every day with the fact that this just can't be real. The anger comes in waves, mostly at myself for not being even more aggressive in keeping her sober. Yet, it wasn't something I had no power over. I gave birth to her when I was 20 years old, and her and I grew up together. It has been the single most difficult blow of my world and although I have no questions of why, or even feel any injustice to God or the Universe, instead I just get angry that I am still here and I have to live this live out without her. Its a hard pill to swallow every morning, yet I get up and do it. Feeling powerless in a humbling emotion and as each day comes I realize the lack of power I actually have.
I have pictures of her everywhere, and in every moment of this life so far I just want to cry, because she was truly my best friend. The girl I was gonna grow old with. And instead she's frozen in time as this young beautiful angel that I will never see in that form, ever again. She will live through me in every way, and although I cannot physically see or hear her, I know she is with me. I know she is guiding me. I know she is okay with how sad I am. But I know she loved me so much, and that is what will carry me through. She loved her daddy too, so much. He was the man of her dreams that she couldn't seem to get enough approval from, she searched and searched for a man to save her from all this. I wish it could have been her dad. But as I sat thinking about how badly she wanted a dad/lover/man to rescue her, my mom looked at me and said... Ya know what, she was rescued by a man, the most loyal and strongest man ever... Jesus saved her. It was the perfect man for the job, and until I see her face again, I hope she is having a blast up there with him. I have a feeling she made heaven a bit lighter and brighter. Her radiance was out of this world.

Introduction

I lost my 22 year old daughter to a heroin overdose. She was in recovery and decided to leave and took the final shot of heroin that took her life. She was the most powerful, sweet, and beautiful soul I have ever met. Even on heroin, I would have rather been with her than anyone else in the world. She had so many friends and loved ones...the numbers are outrageous. She beat the devil by going home to God.

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Makenna Browne

Age 22
Beautiful spirit, beautiful soul - you are free now.
Makenna  Browne
Age 22
22

As a child she was such a happy kid, always laughing and smiling. At 14 she started experimenting with drugs. She had ADD and school was a challenge for her. I feel that somehow her brain was just "wired" differently and that drugs were a way to make her pain go away. We used every resource that was available to help her with her addiction. 6-7 rehabs, IOP's, doctors that specialize in addiction, EMDR -all the different kinds of therapies used in rehabs. The psychiatrists would prescribe drugs-sometimes 6-7 at one time. Just more pills to make her feel better about herself. Addiction is a disease. Some addicts will survive and some will choose to move on.

Makenna was an animal lover and an accomplished equestrian jumper. She loved her dogs, her horse Shasta and riding. She adored her bird Augie, but drugs won her over to the dark side. She is now free of her addiction and pain, at peace flying with the angels.

Introduction

Our beautiful daughter Makenna, who just turned 22, died 10 days later of a heroin overdose. She was sober six months, and her father and I were so proud of her for all of her progress. She struggled with drugs for such a long time that I know now she is happier and at peace.

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Paul Richard Pouliot

Age 65
Sailor, grandpa, dad, husband
Paul Pouliot
Age 65
65

My dad battled addiction my whole life. Addiction to alcohol, heroin, and later, prescription opiates. He was able to stop drinking, but the damage had been done and he succumbed to end stage cirrhosis. I always saw him as a tough, strong person. He built a dock for my mom in a day, he built boats, he even built an airplane. He could do anything. Except stop using opiates. I'll always hold on to the good memories of my dad, but I wish he was still here. Addiction is a difficult disease to talk about, but it's so important. We need more attention, more help, more options.

Introduction

My dad was a strong person, who could build anything.

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Alexander Michael Smith

Age 29
Devoted grandson, son, brother, and friend
Alexander Smith
Age 29
29

"Always be yourself unless you can be a unicorn, then you must always be a unicorn.”
Alex was our unicorn! A gentle soul that loved and cherished everyone he encountered. A musician and chef, he just wanted everyone to be happy. Addiction took him too early. Please hug your children and never miss the opportunity to tell them you love them. He will be missed by all who knew him. Please support addiction recovery efforts any way you can so we can stop this disease and stop the senseless loss of our loved ones.

Introduction

Alex was a unicorn who changed our lives just by being here. He was so precious, so valuable - absolutely perfect. He gave love freely and openly to all he encountered. Addiction took him too early!

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Joseph Grisanti
Age 32
32
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Ryan Joseph Souder

Age 21
Adored son, brother, grandson, friend.
Ryan  Souder
Age 21
21

I lost my youngest child in October of 2012 to a heroin overdose.
In September, Ryan was at his lowest; he was homeless and couldn't get a job so he just walked around all day. He asked me for help and, like so many times before, I called every place that I could think of but there were no beds available. I took him to the emergency room and the doctor wasn't very helpful. He said if Ryan wanted to get sober, he would have to do it on his own. The doctor gave us some medication to help with withdrawals and Ryan and I sat in a hotel room together for almost a week while he detoxed. The doctor said to watch him. Many times over the course of that week I stood over Ryan while he slept, just to make sure he was still breathing. Days later I was finally able to get a bed for him and we drove to the rehab.
Ten days into detox he called and begged me to come get him. I told him that he needed to stay and get better. The director of the rehab called me a few hours later to say that Ryan had called one of his friends instead. The man was on his way to pick Ryan up.
What kind of friend, much less an adult, thinks it is OK to leave a detox and rehab facility before it’s time?
Within a month, my son died alone in that “friend’s” guest room. Ryan had just turned 21.

Introduction

Ryan was adored by everyone that knew him; he was funny, handsome, smart, compassionate, and athletic. Ryan was a son, brother, best friend, nephew, and grandson. He loved his family very much and was always asking after everyone, he even called from jail and while he was living on the streets.
Ryan dropped out of high school during his junior year in high school and never got the chance to walk at graduation or get his diploma.
He didn't go to prom.
Ryan never got a driver’s license.
He will never watch either of his sisters get married.
Ryan will never do any of the things that I, as his mother, always dreamt he would. His death was a crushing blow to our whole family. I have a daughter who's never had a problem with substance use and another son who is in a sober living facility in Florida. He has taken this very hard. They were 16 months apart and best friends.

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Rick Dawes

Age 60
Funny, loving, tormented, beloved, missed
Rick Dawes
Age 60
60

If you didn't know him, there is no way to explain him, and if you did there is no need...We miss him more than he would have understood.

Introduction

Desperately loved by his family. Fought addiction to drugs and alcohol for 45 years, went as long as 12 years sober and numerous shorter periods. Loved his wife and children as much as he could love. Finally weakened and sick, he passed away with his wife and daughter at his side 6/26/2014. He is desperately missed.

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Cameron Ryan Herr

Age 27
infectious laugh, amazing sense of humor, caring, LOVED
Cameron Herr
Age 27
27

Cameron had a heart of gold, a unique sense of humor, and an infectious laugh that had the ability to light up a room. He saw the good in every person he met and genuinely cared for many. Cameron is not defined by his struggle with addiction, he is defined by the person he was under it all. He fought a difficult battle and worked hard everyday to better his life and make positive decisions. As a family, we are proud of all of his accomplishments and his kindheartedness. Cameron has taught us to love deeply, forgive often, have unadulterated patience and to understand that we are all better then our lowest moments. I will forever miss the sound of his laugh, his big hugs and will cherish all of our memories together.

Losing Cameron to this disease has always been my greatest fear. My heart breaks for all who live this and know there are many who undoubtedly struggle to mourn such a loss. Although it does not feel that way, know you are not alone, we will stand together to fight for health and sobriety for our families, friends, and neighbors. As a community we all need to do our part to stop this epidemic that is claiming so many young lives.

Introduction

Cameron was a beautiful person who had so much to offer his family, his friends, and the world. Cameron was light and happiness with a smile and laugh that could warm anyone's heart. He was a deeply loved brother, nephew, son, grandson and friend to many. It is such a tragedy to have lost such a kindhearted, loving soul and that so many other young lives are being claimed by this disease.

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