The National Addiction Memorial honors the loved ones we’ve lost.

All I keep thinking is, “Aidan shouldn’t be gone.” Almost three years later and his absence is not easier to bear. Until after he died, I didn’t know Aidan used heroin. He was a smart, sociable kid with many friends. He had two brothers and a huge, loving family. Aidan was a Cub Scout, a JV football/wrestling/baseball participant, and a good student. After junior high, Aidan was involved in the juvenile justice system for theft and being a runaway. I believed these were the result of hanging with the “wrong” crowd and being a teenager. There were no serious charges until he was about 17. At that time, he was charged with using a stolen credit card and entered placement in a high-risk youth treatment faculty. As divorced parents, we believed we were doing what was in Aidan’s best interest: enrolling him in a child and adolescent partial hospitalization program when his behavior seemed beyond our control; not allowing him to come home on probation after he’d continued to get in trouble (after which he entered placement); calling the police when his younger brother found a backpack full of plastic baggies, spoons, syringes, and foil while he was in juvenile detention; opening our home for random drug testing while he was on juvenile probation; meeting with his juvenile court officer as often as asked; visiting Aidan in juvenile detention, our state’s youth correction facility, and placement as often as we could; attending family counseling and intensive in-home therapy with him; and working with him to finish high school after he left placement. Aidan always seemed alert and never under the influence of any substance. Little was I aware how high-functioning opioid users can be. After placement, Aidan held a few jobs in the town where his dad lived, having a few problems with responsibility and showing up on time, but, otherwise, seemed to be doing relatively well. In December 2014, Aidan’s grandma died somewhat unexpectedly. They were very close and, sometimes, I wonder if that exacerbated his substance use. We kept in contact and he occasionally came to visit. I had no idea Aidan was in Minot when, on the night of July 4, 2015, a loud knock woke Aidan’s stepdad and me. I will never, ever forget how that next 10 minutes played out. Dennis went to the door. I heard someone ask if he was related to Aidan Vanderhoef. I was already putting my robe on and heading to the front door when I heard him, and yes and the voice said, “I’m sorry to inform you he has been found dead.” Even writing this brings those memories back so strongly the emotion feels as though it just happened. My experience with Aidan’s situation taught me a lot. It showed me how uneducated and uninformed parents are about substance use disorders. I found out the juvenile justice system often doesn’t tell parents exactly what they suspect your child is using or doing. After I told Aidan’s court officer he had dumped his codeine cough syrup in a pop bottle because he “didn’t like the taste,” I was told to take it away but not why. Now I know why, because I educated myself. Our states/counties/towns/schools are ill-equipped to work with the SUD problem. They are letting SUD sufferers die in jail and refusing MAT to those who could benefit. I could go on and on. I miss Aidan with every part of myself and he is what drives me to continue to advocate even when it feels hopeless. I wish I had known all I know now when it could have still helped save him. My prayer is that I can help even one person avoid Aidan’s fate and our family’s pain.

Spencer was a very lovable guy. Always tall for his age, reaching 6’5”. Very intelligent and had a lot of friends especially in his younger years. Peers looked to him for leadership and advice. He could always help people who shared problems and issues they were having. I always said he could help anyone but himself. He struggled with depression and self confidence, although no one outside of his family would have known. He always appeared to have it all. His drug taking started with RX for ADHD and anxiety and then went on to self medicating, eventually leading to heroin, which took his life. There are no words for the loss that his family feels. We have tried to bring awareness in our community but you just wonder how you are supposed to do this for a lifetime.

Matthew struggled with addiction and anxiety for the last eight years. He entered into treatment for 11 months. Coming out of treatment he worked hard on his recovery. He got to the point where he was chairing meetings, he was a sponsor, and helped place people into treatment. Matt was always there to help anyone at anytime. In May of 2016 his job offered him a promotion and a transfer to Phoenix. He was so excited and took off in his new career. He got his first apartment, a new car, and a cute little cat named Hamilton. He stayed active in the sober community. In May of this year he was accepted into the Pipe Fitters Union, and he was so proud. I was so proud of him. He did what no one ever thought he could--he made it. One December 19th, three days before he was coming home for Christmas, for some unknown reason, he used heroin and overdosed. I am very proud of my son, he did not want to die, he probably just thought, just this one time not knowing it was his last time. I miss him with all my heart. Our life is forever changed without him. He truly was an awesome person who touched many lives.

After finally getting pregnant after several attempts, my beautiful daughter was conceived. After a difficult pregnancy, my dreams came true. She lived a beautiful but sometimes difficult life. Her parents divorced early in her life which caused her much pain. She excelled in school and was always on the honor roll. She lived a very gifted and exciting life. She attended a private Christian school, then was home schooled for 4 years before entering a collegiate high school. She graduated high school with honors and the night after she received her high school diploma she received her associates degree from college. She was an awesome writer. She lived on a sail boat with her mother and stepfather for several years and enjoyed many experiences some people have never seen. She struggled with her relationship with her biological father and stepmom and always felt second best in that household.She was always a social butterfly. She wanted nothing more than for everybody to get along.There are so many people that loved her and thought the world of her. She was always trying to help someone. She became pregnant at age 15 and terminated the pregnancy. This bothered her hugely until the day she died. She was prescribed heavy duty pain medication for several medical issues such as teeth extractions, auto accident, and breast reduction. Her mother also had prescription pain medications. When Danielle ran out of medication she would then take her mothers. She was a brilliant person and a very hard worker. She started drinking heavily after moving in with a girlfriend. She started abusing pain medication. This led to her trying heroin. She had only been using heroin for less than two months before her mother found out. She was put in detox and was attending an IOP program and relapsed. She was put back in detox and then sent out of state for a 90 day program. She did wonderful in this program and came out looking and feeling alive. She then went to a sober living facility and was in another IOP program. One day, right before her sixth month sober, she was found dead in bed in the sober living facility from a heroin overdose. This was also the day before her mother was scheduled to see her again. She was just 23 years old. I so miss hearing her voice and kissing her face. I miss hearing "Mommy I love you" which she did all of the time. I miss her compassionate heart and giving personality. I see so many things now that I wish I knew then. I know that mentally she needed so much help. I tried but she never received the help she needed. She has helped several people through her death for them to obtain and keep their sobriety. Danielle, I love you. Love, Mommy

Garrett was a daddy to Drayven Cole Smith who is 5 now. He was a brother to Phillip, Braxton, and Mariah. I miss him so much. He was one of or possibly my very best friend! Garrett was taken by ambulance "friends" called on a Friday morning. He was intubated, etc. I thank God I was fortunate to be able to see his eyes and get a smile, to dry his tears, and be with him. He was flown out on the following Friday to a bigger hospital. It wasn't good, 😞 Garrett had swelling of his brain, and it wasn't him anymore. I crawled beside him in the bed and stayed the night. Saturday, his dad and I made the hardest decision any parent could make. We had his vent removed. He was moved to the hospice floor surrounded by family, friends, and mom beside him in the bed, until my baby took his final breath. 😫 I believe he's with God now and I can't wait to be with him!! Thank you for letting me share our story.

Jonathan was very handsome, smart, and talented. He was a National Honor Society student. He had a passion for music, and was a very talented drummer who could also play several other instruments. Jonathan also excelled as an athlete and artist. He had a loving family and many friends. He was my only child. I miss my son and I love him more than anything in the world. His absence has left me with a broken heart, but that broken heart motivates me to help others who still struggle. In his memory and honor, I continue to do work that will hopefully keep other families from losing a loved one to the disease of substance use disorder. ❤️

Joey was a very smart and funny guy. He could run a business like no other and be successful. The only problem was he got caught up in the drug scene and was very addictive. He was handsome like s movie star smart as a whip caring (when he was Joey) and would give you shirt off his back. He loved his sisters and niece and nephew. We miss him dearly and pray he is at peace and not struggling. Love you joey Rest In Peace love mom

Casey Jo was full of hopes and dreams that all young adults share. She was studying to be a nurse like her mom, and truly loved working with people. She was diagnosed with Crohn's disease at 18 years old. That diagnosis resulted in numerous surgeries and complications that resulted in prescribed pain medications. Addiction came quickly and without warning. She struggled to see herself as someone with an addiction. After all, these were medications prescribed by her doctor. How could this be her fault? Finally, after years of concern, we were able to convince her to go to a facility to help her medically detox from her medications. And then she discovered heroin. Unfortunately, her body was found in her garage the day before she was to be admitted. She was 26 years old. Her death was ruled a suicide, investigated as a homicide, but was absolutely the result of her addiction to opioids. Our hearts are forever shattered, our memories of her are too few, she wanted so much in life. She wanted children so badly, a family of her own. Casey Jo deserved much more than this, but most of all, she deserved to trust a medical system designed to help heal her, not kill her.

Evan was very smart but had very low self esteem about being gay and shy. He was a very loyal friend and was happiest with them and helping them out. He loved road trips and Nicki Minaj. The drugs were used to self-medicate from the pain, and when the needles started it was down hill all the way. He was in a great rehab in CA but one person ruined it by transferring him to a sober house before he was ready. All alone there he was wandering the streets, very uncomfortable and was dead 24 hours later. I am in RI, his mom, not being able to be there to hold his hand or say goodbye. My life sentence has begun and I am so broken missing him. We did him wrong and I do not get a second chance. What can we do?

My son struggled for six years. It started with pills and then snorting heroin and then shooting it. I had him in the best rehabs and when he was there, he was great. But he couldn't live there forever! I found him in my house where he died from fentanyl laced heroin. I have not nor will I ever get over the death of my child.

Mandy was a beautiful person, she was always ready to help anyone and would have given you the shirt off of her back. She was a huge part of my family for years, a daughter, sister, and mother to my children. Things came at her too fast, the life she had envisioned for herself disappeared and I think she was unable to cope. Mandy's story happened fast, the slide down that slope happened in a blink of an eye. The addiction took hold fast and never let go. My heart cries out at the loneliness she must have felt. And my mind places blame squarely on my own shoulders. See, I think the hard core approach that we are told to take left her alone and without reasons to live. She always had a smile even when she was dying inside, unable to cope. She'd make you laugh and be the first one to make sure you were okay and take care of everyone. She was a wonderful, good heart and beautiful soul, long before the drugs took over her life. My memories are many and wonderful. She walked away and never came back. I have to believe that she knew our door was always open and that our love was always there. Mandy's life has to be celebrated--she lived and was loved. Addiction didn't always define her. I missed her before, now I miss her even more knowing that she will never walk through the door. The hope is gone....

Dylan was energetic, loving, kind, caring, and had a great sense of humor. He worked hard to get where he was in life with music and as a drummer and his welding career. He married in 2014 his high school sweetheart, Jordan, after 17 years of their love saga. He had his first child, the light of his life, in June of 2016. Just 4 months after she was born, his cycle of addiction took his life.

Dylan struggled, like most people with addiction, with drugs for an excruciatingly long time. In 2004, he was addicted to vicodin and oxycontin. He realized he had a problem and could not get sober without going into rehab. He did that and completed a full recovery. Focused on the 12 steps and found himself needing to find a better support system so he distanced himself from certain friends. But his addiction was too powerful and he substituted for alcohol and marijuana. Between 2004 and 2009, his drug of choice changed from prescription medicines to drugs found on the street. He was addicted to heroin. He was searched by cops for trying to pick up in the city. He was nodding in and out of moving vehicles. He overdosed the night of his birthday in 2008/2009. He went into rehab again and came clean to his family that he was very sick and needed a program more than the hospital could provide. Some of the details to me (his wife/girlfriend at the time) were very vague as he never fully wanted to admit he didn't have control over what he was doing. He went into a halfway house and met several people at NA meetings and in the house that were good influences. In 2015, his Grandfather passed away and he found it very difficult to deal with this passing. He numbed himself by finding Xanax - prescribed or not. He was also taking Methadone to control his craving of heroin that he hadn't had in many years. He was trying to lower his Methadone dose so he could save more money for the family he wanted to start. He suffered from depression and anxiety and found a physician that would prescribe him 60 pills of Xanax every 60 days. His cycle was vicious. He was so loving and there for his family and wife and child when he was not taking Xanax but then he would realize his prescription was available and he would fill it and satisfy the demon within.

We sent many letters to his doctor and tried several encounters with family/friends to convince him he had a problem. But he never saw it as a problem and would blame everyone else for his use but himself. On Thursday October 13th, he fought with his wife and grabbed his baby girl in anger that she had confronted him about receiving a prescription from his doctor. He died on Friday October 14th at 4:30pm when his wife took their dog and went to pick up their daughter from daycare. He had accidentally overdosed on a combination of prescription medications, one of which was Fentanyl. He was not prescribed this medication and he got it off the street from a dealer who probably sold it to him as heroin.

The heroin epidemic and addiction as a disease is serious and if this story touches anyone and makes them think before they allow the demon and addiction to win, then I have done my part in trying to make everyone aware of it with my husband's story. I miss him every day and the love we shared and I have this beautiful toddler to show me how to be strong and guide her into a drug free life.

Rest easy Dylan Hoffman. Taylor and I love you very much.

Shawn was a risk taker his whole life. Although he loved life and had dreams, he didn’t plan for tomorrow. He lived for each day! He was a comedian and wanted to be one professionally, but his addictions held him back. Even at the end, he talked of his dreams to make people laugh. He was good at it too. He could talk to anyone and by the end of the conversation you thought Shawn was your friend :). He just had this personality that you could not help but love. He dreamed of becoming that comedian and even wanted to write books. He would have written some awesome books because he was the smartest person we knew. I literally would call him with questions all the time--history, life, politics, sports, cooking, anything! He knew it all. One thing he couldn’t figure out is how to live without substances.

Shawn was born to very young parents and grew up in Connecticut. He was the oldest of three. We grew up close and loved deeply. As a kid he was a daredevil and that led into taking risks as a teenager and experimenting with drugs and alcohol.

It wasn’t a bad life. In his 20s there was much happiness. He was in a movie, fell in love, got married (and divorced twice), and most of all had a little boy, Benjamin. Being a dad brought him so much happiness but didn’t stop his struggles with drugs and what became the worst addiction, alcohol.

He overcame an addiction to heroin but alcohol kept him in its grasp so tight that he lost everything, his family, his car, his home, and his job. He had nothing in Connecticut so decided to try a fresh start in Florida. After four years of living there and trying to make ends meet he was still in the same situation. Barely getting by, but he stayed happy on the outside. People loved him. He had a job and was getting by when just a few months before he passed he was reunited with his son after almost four years of no contact.

We all thought that would be it. He would get clean and strive to better his life. Although he spoke to his son regularly, on October 9, 2015 he drank as he did everyday. He went to bed and took pain killers which mixed with his alcohol and killed him. He didn’t overdose, the levels in him were only slightly elevated. He died because he was an alcoholic and didn’t think before taking someone else’s medication to get to sleep or numb his pain. He was 37!

He didn’t want to die, he wanted to make people laugh and talk to his son!

My mom, dad, sister, daughter, nieces, nephew (his son!), myself, and many more love him and are mad that we lost him. He spoke to him regularly and he knew we loved him.

Shawn you are forever in our hearts! Happy birthday today!! You would have been 40.

Jacob had a promising future in skiing. Throwing new tricks in the park and jumping big cliffs at an early age. Competing and finishing frequently on top. At the age of 14 he had a fall that fractured C4, closed head injury and spinal cord compression injury. As we look back, that is the day his life changed. Although he fully recovered from the physical injury, the lasting depression and introduction to prescribed opioids led to several years with tragic incidents, an overdose, and a very painful struggle for him on so many levels.
At the age of 17 he was diagnosed with bi-polar disease, and getting a 17 year old to take daily medication that altered the way they feel is not easy. It removed the highs and lows that are so dangerous but that was his normal. Instead, he would stop his medication and gravitate to whatever drug was going around at the time. During his relapses, his father and I always allowed him a safe place in our home-not one of enabling but a place where he knew he was loved. And when he was ready, we made sure he received the help he needed.

At the age of 23 we witnessed a major shift in him. Maturity, possibly but he became more interested in his health and well being. Became more consistent with his sobriety program and medication regime. He said he just wanted to "feel normal". Before Jacobs death, he had been in a wonderful loving relationship for three years; he was back in school, working and planning his future. All his dreams! Unfortunately, on the night of November 19, 2017 for some reason, a reason we will never know, he went and picked up some heroin and used. That injection killed him.

All throughout Jacob's struggle he was brutally honest with us and those treating him. I believe in my heart that he just wanted to "feel normal." He told me once that things that seem really easy for others are so difficult for him. I could not rationalize this knowing he was brilliant, artistic, and generally a loving human being. I pray everyday that he is at peace and he is safe. Free of the mental anguish and in a place of love.

I miss so many things about my son...the list is so long. At this moment I miss the daily phone calls and his voice checking in to see how I am doing. One thing I want to share specific to opioids: I do recall the day after he had his neck surgery. He was only 14. He was freaking out and crying, pacing, and screaming to me to help him...at that moment I discontinued the pain medication the surgeon prescribed-MS contin. I am a hospice nurse. We use MS Contin all the time. Then I had an epiphany recently-that the behavior I witnessed after his surgery was the same behavior exhibited when he was used heroin.

My youngest son Jonathan  lost his father when he was 6 years old. For the rest of his life he searched and wanted to know more about him. As a young boy, he excelled in school and sports and was enrolled in the gifted and talented program.

When he was a teenager, he was prescribed Oxycontin for back pain. While in the Army he was introduced to other stronger drugs and finally at some point in his adult life to heroin.

He married a young girl with an eight month old son who he raised as his own. They had two sons together.

After trying to help him recover from his addiction, his wife asked him to leave their home. I already had cut off giving him money four years earlier having a suspicion the money was going to his addiction of drugs and gambling. He loved his family deeply but for some reason could not bestow that love back onto himself.

Jonathan and I had a close but sometimes strained relationship. I supported him in everything he took on in life but for some reason could not finish to completion. I believe the addiction was the main reason for his lack of follow through with his endeavors to the end 

Jon was the type of young boy/man who loved everyone and showed immense compassion no matter where you came from. He always lit up the room when he entered and was a magnet to people around him when they heard his warm laugh and saw his beautiful smile.

In his last few years, Jonathan struggled with his deep depression and the battle against his best friend, the demon drug heroin.

He will be forever missed and loved by all who knew him in his life here on earth, especially me, his Mom.

I will never let my son Jon be forgotten and will continue to honor him, doing anything I can to see that not one more family loses a child to this ever growing epidemic in our country.

I have already started a fundraiser through Shatterproof in his name.

Thank you for allowing my son to be a part of your memorial page and sharing his story.

Dakota was the love of my life. Dakota had struggled with heroin addiction for 10 years. His family and I all thought he could overcome this demon. This drug had a hold on him like no other. He hid the signs from us, and we all thought he was doing so much better. Dakota had been in and out of jail; and after getting out this last time in December, he swore he was going to get straight. He wasn’t in treatment. Maybe that’s something we should have encouraged him to get involved in.

Dakota could light up a room with his goofy grin and beautiful, kind soul. People were drawn to him and wanted to be friends with him. His family and I feel like this is a nightmare that we should wake up from any second, but we also don’t want his death to be in vain. We want to help encourage other families to support their loved ones with addiction issues and encourage them to seek the help they need.

In his final days, he was happy. We were making plans for the future. We were always together and doing fun things together. I try to hold these memories in my heart, where they will live forever.

Zachary Aaron Kresslein of Poolesville, Maryland, passed away on Tuesday, January 16, 2018, in Asheville, North Carolina, at the age of 17.
Zack was born on August 22, 2000, to Michael and Kimberli Kresslein. He was the oldest of their three children. He leaves behind a younger brother, Xavier (16), and sister, Katarina (9). He was intelligent, athletic, free-spirited, personable, and popular with his friends. His passions included baseball, football, cars, technology, cooking, jet skiing, snowboarding, and his pet pitbull, Roscoe, whose name was tattooed on Zack's upper arm.
Zack recently attended Winston Churchill High School in Potomac, Maryland. Though his education was temporarily derailed by his battle with substance use, he nevertheless finished his high school education online and graduated early, earning his high school diploma in the fall of 2017 at barely 17 years old. At the time of his death, he was in recovery in Asheville, North Carolina, and was scheduled to begin classes at the University of North Carolina at Asheville this spring semester. His future was full of promise.