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Aaron Brawley
Age 23
23
Aaron was tall, handsome, beautiful inside and out. He had such a wonderful sense of humor, an infectious smile that was a bit crooked and somewhat mischievous. He was my first born, and I never knew I could feel such love. Aaron loved books from the time he could first hold one, until his death. His room was always littered with books and magazines. His voice was deep with a bit of hoarseness that made him even more attractive and interesting. Aaron loved the outdoors, loved his friends and family...particularly his cousins. I can still picture him walking into the room with that silly grin on his face, flopping his feet up on the sofa and me scolding him about how bad his feet smelled!! Gosh, I wish I could smell his feet again! I wish I could smell HIM....hold him in my arms....rub his head like I use to do. I would "scob his nob" and it drove him nuts. But it was one of those mother things. I miss my beautiful boy, miss my son, miss my friend Aaron.
It all started with marijuana, then on to harder, more addictive drugs. Aaron once told me I didn't understand "the demon." He was right....so sad...sigh...
Good jokes, his friends, his cousins, an omelette cooked for his birthday, crab cakes in NYC, "The Simpsons."
I miss having him here to kiss, rub his head, his smell, his laugh, his humor....his entire essence.
Introduction
Aaron was tall, handsome, beautiful inside and out. He had such a wonderful sense of humor, an infectious smile that was a bit crooked and somewhat mischievous. He was my first born, and I never knew I could feel such love.
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Michael Pawlowski
Age 30
30

We were blessed with Michael's birth on August 4, 1982, being the second child of our three children. We had three marvelously healthy, beautiful sons. They are the joy of our life together. Though brothers, they were their own persons with their own path and their own star to follow. They were close in age and even closer in heart.

At 29, Michael was a bright, witty, very charming, athletic and handsome young man. He had bright blue sparkling eyes, a gleaming smile and brightened a room when he walked in. We all loved him so. We received a special package from above when Michael was born and his sparkly eyes hinted that he was only going to be here for a short while. He needed to be handled carefully and we did everything to keep that smile with us. Yet, he was too sensitive and passionate for this world. We were delighted to share him for these short 29 years. We know that we need to go on day by day but we are all still heartbroken. We loved Michael as he was, he loved us as we are and heaven will welcome him with love.

As a baby, Michael was chubby and smiley. Carpooling to pre-school, he could identify red hawks in the sky and talk nonstop sharks, castles or dinosaurs, which he'd share with anyone who would listen. He-Man action figures were his favorite, often running around the house in red rubber boots and He-man underwear waving a plastic sword telling us all have the power which, of course he did have.

He loved soft, warm fuzzy clothes and if he could, he would have had cashmere gym shorts. When little, we would cringe if ladies in the grocery line had a fur coat or wore silk, we knew we would be fishing him out of their skirt, something that would follow him into adulthood.

Michael enjoyed his school, which allowed him to keep the teacher's dogs under his desk, perfected his hockey and where he struggled with French. Oh, how many calls we had from his French teacher. Yet, later he spent a semester independent studying and working in Paris where he learned to love French food, the French countryside, and Paris. Little did he know that in the future, he would be interfacing with the Paris office in his NYC investment banking position. Michael would say that he survived the economic crisis only because of his fluency in French.

Michael enrolled in college, graduated with two degrees, and continued into grad school but it was at these schools where he made special friends that miss him still. We thank you for being there to make memories of one another so you can re-live the exciting and sometimes questionable adventures with Mike. He always had your back and thank you all for always looking out for him.

As an adult, Michael was courteous and helpful. Somehow in the busy subway ride to work, he always had time to stop and help carry a stroller down the steps or show a tourist the right way to read the map. No matter how busy he would be, he made time to listen to you, really listen. He was quick with a joke and looked for the comedic aspects in life.

Forever a NY Rangers fan, he watched sport TV and argued trivia. Although a NY Giants fan, he'd rather cheer at the Jets games for the sheer entertainment factor. He spent his money freely picking up the tab for friends, going out to dinner and purchasing jewelry for girlfriends. Although he hated musicals, the Phantom of the Opera will remain a favorite. He could spend time in antique shops and museums looking for knight figures, unique glassware, prints, paintings and crystal trinkets. He understood good design and marveled at the Calatrava-designed Milwaukee Art Museum and its setting along Lake Michigan. He liked clothes but could never find a pair of shoes that really fit his awkward-sized feet, so most of his purchases would sit in his closet as he was usually dressed in a tee shirt and flip flops outside with the dogs or on his way to the gym.

Michael loved his friends unequivocally and they loved him. Even as an adult, he brought friends home and they soon made their way into our hearts as well and became, and always will remain, members of our family. Our home always seemed to be filled with a gang of friends and full of the hope, laughter, energy, spirit and dreams of young people. He gave his friends and family excitement and trepidations, but always with a twinkle and a smile. We thank him for that. He made all of our lives fun.

Michael Francis Pawlowski was a young man, colleague, friend and brother and he will always be our middle son. Goodbye with Much Love and God bless you, Michael Francis."

We knew you were partying with friends in high school and even though we brought all this up with your counselor and doctor, we were reassured that it was just experimenting, nothing more than others but we were not so sure. We had a history of alcohol abuse and we talked openly about a genetic marker, becoming educated about addiction and seeking medical care.

You went to support groups off and on but we knew you were starting to really struggle with your illness after a few years into your job. Finally, in 2007 you agreed to get treatment for the first time. Your insurance covered part, we covered what you couldn't and we all tried to support your recovery the best that we could, but all the worry, support and love did not help in the end. You needed more time, we needed more time.

We witnessed firsthand how emergency personal and medical professionals treated us when we came in after a relapse; the stares, the look of disgust, the dismissal, the judgment. Recovery was the hardest part and that is where we stumbled. You relapsed at times and the varied treatments made you unstable and everything became too much. Sponsors came and went, sober friends relapsed, doctors transferred, support staff quit, insurance coverage was discontinued and premiums raised, cash upfront was needed everywhere. So it became too lonely, too complicated to find a new way of living.

Michael was quick to smile on a warm sunny day, cold wintery day in the snow or walking through puddles on a city street. But sandy beaches and ocean water was were he wanted to be so he is now watching us all from the lighthouse off the Atlantic shore.

We miss everything about you, Michael, especially the love and laughter.

Introduction

Michael was quick to smile on a warm sunny day, cold wintery day in the snow or walking through puddles on a city street. But sandy beaches and ocean water was were he wanted to be so he is now watching us all from the lighthouse off the Atlantic shore.

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Sarah Heddy
Age 26
26
She was a beautiful, talented, loving young woman who loved her family and friends. She was kind and thoughtful and would help anyone in need.
She started in middle school going to "raves" with friends while I was at work — taking ecstasy and drinking alcohol. In her early twenties, after an auto accident, she became addicted to OxyContin and many other drugs. She could not control her addiction and died by suicide because of it.
Everything!
She was my best friend besides being my daughter. I wanted to take her to all the places I wanted to see and now I take her ashes when I travel.
Introduction
She was a beautiful, talented, loving young woman who loved her family and friends. She was kind and thoughtful and would help anyone in need.
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Justin Salomone
Age 29
29
Justin was very bright and creative. When he picked up the guitar, he made it sing. As a young boy, he was an avid reader and loved to have books read to him. He excelled at sales and people found him very likeable. Justin also loved to cook and watched many of the cooking shows on TV. He had a very strong network of clean and sober friends from the AA group that he belonged to.
Justin had anxiety and he self-medicated with drugs from when he was 16 years old. At 23, he started with the painkillers and at 25 he was addicted to heroin. We tried several different approaches to recovery and Justin would get 4-6 months and then go out and use again. Finally, he was clean for 7 months and went out and overdosed because, as so many others, his body was no longer used to the high doses he was accustomed to taking.
Justin loved to play the guitar and he loved girls. He loved the challenge of succeeding at an endeavor.
Whenever Justin came home he would have a big "Hi Mom" for me. I can still hear it. We miss his smile and his excellent guitar playing. We miss his spirit.
Introduction
Justin was very bright and creative. When he picked up the guitar, he made it sing. As a young boy, he was an avid reader and loved to have books read to him. He excelled at sales and people found him very likeable. Justin also loved to cook and watched many of the cooking shows on TV. He had a very strong network of clean and sober friends from the AA group that he belonged to.
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Erik Christiansen
Age 28
28
Erik was a fine young man whose dream was to become a NYPD Police Officer and Detective. Erik's dream became a reality, we were so proud of him. Erik had many friends and a beautiful lovely girlfriend. He was funny, caring, polite and respectful with a bit of a daredevil in him.
Erik hurt his back in early 2011 and was prescribed pain killers, that he became addicted to and within a year and half overdosed and died. Addiction is such a dark secret to us. Although we have witnessed the devastation it has wrought, we as a society are never prepared when it strikes our families. Since it was such a short time period of his and our lives, it is very hard to describe his struggle. I would say what hurt him the most was he would say, "I just want to be the man I was."
People. Erik loved helping his friends, he would listen and dispense advice, be there for his friends, he smiled a lot around people, had a hearty laugh, didn't mind being the brunt of a joke or telling a joke.
I miss him. The essence of Erik, who he was, who he would become. That is the sad part. Erik will always be 28. To share his future as a son, brother, husband, and father. There will always be an empty plate at the table. I miss him calling me and saying, "Ma, I'm hungry, can you make Chicken Parm?" What I would do to hear those words again. Calling his Dad. Calling for advice on his job, car, many different things. We miss him every moment of the day.
Introduction
Erik was a fine young man whose dream was to become a NYPD Police Officer and Detective. Erik's dream became a reality, we were so proud of him. Erik had many friends and a beautiful lovely girlfriend. He was funny, caring, polite and respectful with a bit of a daredevil in him.
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Brian Mendell
Age 25
25

Like many of you reading this, you have children that light up your life. Brian was that for me. He began talking at an early age, and for the next twenty-five years he never stopped. Brian loved the outdoors. Whether with his friends or his brother Greg, he would play in the woods for hours, fishing and searching for frogs.

As Brian entered elementary school, his struggles began to emerge. I watched him struggle with so many things we all take for granted: holding a crayon, and simply keeping his balance. When he began middle school, he had a hard time paying attention and he began to struggle academically and socially; he felt as if he didn't fit in. He was originally diagnosed with ADD, however over time this diagnosis included anxiety, depression, and traits of Asperger's.

Brian's curiosity was endless. We would end our evenings talking endlessly. He would want to know about everything: my favorite memories growing up, how I liked my career, how the people in the Dominican seemed so happy with so little material things.

It is impossible to describe Brian without mentioning his smile. He had an ear to ear to smile that was his trademark.

However, the character trait of Brian of which I am most proud was his compassion for others. I have spoken publicly about him crawling under a fence at Yankee stadium when he was eight to give a homeless man a quarter. His favorite memory of high school was taking a trip to the Dominican Republic on spring break to play with children who had so little. After Brian's death, his sober coach wrote, "After Brian and I had lunch together he gave money to homeless people on the street." Another friend wrote, "his big bright smile, easy approachable demeanor and kind eyes are things that come to mind when I think about Brian." It's a lovely memory.

Brian and several of his friends tried marijuana for the first time at age thirteen. While his friends had varying degrees of interest, for Brian it was different. Maybe the marijuana eased his anxiety. Or perhaps it was genetic. Whatever the reason or combination of reasons, Brian quickly became addicted, and is often the case, over time he became addicted to more dangerous drugs.

Brian was sent to a wilderness program when he was seventeen. Throughout these years, when Brian was not relapsing, he was often reflective. He responded to what he read of Taoist philosophy in a note to me, Emotion which is suffering ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it. It's similar to what I'm working on.

Brian was also deeply pained by what he was putting his family through. In one letter to my mother he wrote, Dear Grandma Kitty, I don't know what to say about this anymore. I feel horrible that I keep putting everyone through this. Thanks for sticking with me and I'm sorry. Love and miss you, Brian. Brian's relapses were many. After his last relapse Brian told me, Dad, even when I think I have this under control, I have now learned that this disease is doing push-ups inside and getting stronger and stronger.

After his last treatment program, Brian succeeded and was able to stay clean for thirteen months. However five weeks after his one year anniversary he tragically took his life. In his loving and compassionate note to our family, he condemned the treatment system for its lack of integrity. And although he did not state it explicitly, I believe he also felt enormous shame and guilt that tore him apart inside. It seems like yesterday we were sitting on the bench in our back yard when he told me, Dad, three hundred years ago they burned women on stakes in Salem, Massachusetts because they thought they were witches. Someday society will recognize that I have a disease, and I am trying my hardest.

More than anything Brian loved family time and seeing everyone happy. He also had an amazing sense of humor, and loved making us all laugh.

What I miss most is the emotional connection we shared. We were soul mates. As Brian once wrote in a letter from a wilderness program, "Dad, underneath we are twins; I see it out here a lot - Mom and Dad I don't think I've ever missed you more or realized how much you do for me and I want you to know I know all your decisions are out of love. Love, Brian." I miss Brian every minute of every day.

Introduction

What I miss most is the emotional connection we shared. We were soul mates.

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Philip Hanson
Age 23
23
Philip was the best brother, friend and person you could ask for. Fiercely protective of anyone he loved, he would literally give you the shirt off of his back if he even sort of thought you needed it. He lived to make people laugh and make them feel loved and happy. And he was my best friend. I am sure anyone who you asked would have a different story that was "classic" Phil, but mine comes from when we were about 4 and 2. We were in the locker rooms at the YMCA after swim class, and he heard someone not being nice to me. From the little boys' locker room, he comes storming into the girls' room, stark naked and screamed "YOU LEAVE MY SISTER ALONE." That, more than any story ever, tells you who he was, to me and lots of other people. He was my protector, my best friend, and my favorite person.
He started to slip a few months before our mother died. I had finished college and moved to New York while he stayed in Baltimore working in the restaurant industry he so loved. But within a year, he had coked himself literally out of house and home. By March he was living at home again; by June the same year, our long-ailing mother died. That's when he really went off the deep end. The heroin, pain pills, Fentanyl started. When we got back from our mom's funeral, which he'd driven back from with only me in the car, I got out and told my father something was wrong and I was not getting in the car with him again. I wish I'd known what was wrong then, but even if I had, I am not sure I could have done much about it. I was too shell-shocked myself from our disintegrating family, and probably not quite old enough or sophisticated enough to know what to do anyway. After a truly awful year, though, he seemed to be doing better. He moved back to Baltimore, was working, and seemed clean. The night of August 4, he went out with friends, played pool, and they all went home to bed. About 5 the next evening, his best friend called my cell, his voice cracked and he said, ""Margaret, I have some bad news. I just got into the apartment. I think Phil's dead."" That was the worst call I have ever gotten. I hope Shatterproof and organizations like it, with the help of us as supporters, can keep others from ever getting that call."
Everything. Silly jokes, dancing and singing in inappropriate places, horribly ugly shirts that he favored as a wardrobe.
Some people talk about finding a person with whom they can grow old, and it's a marriage thing. I had that person from the time I was 18 months old till August 5, 2004. He was "my person," as they say. My best friend, protector, personal entertainment. And not just for me - for everyone. In losing Philip, the world lost one of its better people.
Introduction
Philip was the best brother, friend and person you could ask for. Fiercely protective of anyone he loved, he would literally give you the shirt off of his back if he even sort of thought you needed it. He lived to make people laugh and make them feel loved and happy. And he was my best friend.
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Christopher Sanderson
Age 22
22
Christopher was a beautiful soul, such a sweet a precious gift to all of our lives. He was a very sought after friend growing up. Chris was very popular without trying. He had a spirit where people just wanted to be with Chris. Our Christopher was kind and passionate about anything he chose to be involved in. He loves Sports,he played competitive tennis, football, basketball and was a great golfers at a young age. He also loved politics, acting, singing, performing, he went to film school and wanted to study politics and law. He always had a lot of friends. He was a very loved and adored son. He was beautiful physically, inside and out. His family so adored him and was always very over protective of him, since I, his mother, lost a husband in a car accident at age 24, I always felt this need to protect him from the hard stuff in this world.I wouldn't allow any unnecessary risks with him. I loved him so much. At his service we had about 2,000 people come through and so many kids from all walks of life told me, he was his best friend. He always had a calming peace about him when in the presences of others and encouraged others to live their dreams and live their lives. I miss him and love him so much!
Christopher started smoking pot at age 16. I could tell right away that his attraction to pot was not normal. So many people say, oh their just kids, they are just experimenting, but I knew he loved it way too much. I told him I would not allow him to go down this path because I had a couple of brothers that took the drug path at a young age and although they quite at 19 and 22, they have always had those addictive personalities. I could see that Chris totally changed his friends and his interests with smoking pot. He said he would never do any other drugs and I should know that. I for sure knew that he could try other drugs because of his personality. He was passionate about anything he did, wheather it was acting, sports, the stock market at age 10 that he discovered, he would ask for the Wall Street Journal every day at 10, seriously, he was 10! At that time, now looking back I can recognize his addictive personality. His dad would take him to the dog track, he loved, loved, loved that. He also had a gambling addiction, always buying lotto scratch offs with his money, which was also an addiction. I think this poor kid was addicted to anything he ever did. I looked at is as being passionate, but now I see it as his addictive personality. I wanted to put him in boarding school, where all you do is study and get in the best schools, when he started smoking pot. His dad wanted to give him another chance. His dad NEVER even tried pot, I tried it when I was young, but did not like it, it made me paranoid. I didn't even have alcohol in our house while my kids were growing up. He grew up a Christian, but not perfect, home. Alcohol was never his problem. He got a really nice girl friend who went to Christian school and kind of laid of the pot stuff for a few years until they broke up. He became to depressed/anxiety and so sad over this break up! He had his whole life planned with this girl. I never saw a kid so sad in my life. He started self medicating. He started snorting coke.
His family/friends, animals, he was a practical joker and liked pulling jokes on people. He was kind of the class clown in school, but quiet at home.
I miss his physical self, his smile, his laugh, his funny jokes, his curly hair, his charm, his sparkling blue eyes. I miss his spirit and I miss everything about him. I want him back here with me now! It's been so hard here without my beautiful boy.
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Reagan Thompson
Age 20
20

Reagan was born in Anchorage, Alaska and always considered himself Alaskan. He was the middle of 3 brothers - Sam (25) and Quinn (19). He was very quiet, but had a wicked sense of humor and when he did say something it would usually be hilarious. He was tender-hearted, loving and kind. He loved babies and little kids and dogs, and they loved him too! In 4th grade he became known as Ray, informing us that we'd given him a girl's name (he had a female classmate with the name Reagan) and he did NOT want to have a girl's name! He loved to skateboard and was pretty good at it. He was very talented at playing the guitar and liked teaching others how to play. Ray was always drawn to other kids who were sad or hurting and he just accepted them for who they were, as they were. When Ray went to friends' houses, we almost always got reports from the parents about how sweet, and polite he was and a pleasure to have over. Ray was our ""blondie-blond"" boy, with amazing eyes that changed color according to his mood, the clothes he wore or even the weather. His hands had ""simian"" creases on them and he was born with dimples in his shoulders. He was stocky and thick - not fat, but solid. He gave the best hugs and kisses! He was very sensitive and seemed to feel things very intensely, and didn't really know how to express how he felt. "

Ray began having trouble with depression around puberty. We tried to get him to talk with a counselor, but he was very resistant to talking. The summer after his 7th grade year he spent mostly alone, lying in bed, depressed. By 9th grade he had tried a variety of drugs, but was mostly smoking marijuana. He ran away from home. We found him the next night at a known drug house. We knew he was in crisis and we acted quickly to get him into a day treatment program, but he didn't cooperate. We ended up forcing him into treatment 5 hours away. I felt horror and dispair leaving my child there, entrusting him to strangers. After a bumpy 3 weeks, he turned a corner and began working on getting sober. He was able to remain sober for about 18 months. But then he started smoking pot, drinking and using many other drugs. As he went further into his relapse, he drove his girlfriend away, which caused his depression to return at a more intense level. Over the next year and a half he was able to get his GED and work at a construction job and even attempted a semester in college, but his disease was in full effect and he began stealing to support his drug needs. We began the cycle of arrest, jail, bail and rehab. In 2011, Ray became addicted to heroin and we had to tell him that we would do anything to help him get and be healthy, but we would no longer support him being unhealthy. In January 2012, he came to us asking for help. We are Christians, and we offered him all we had: the love of God and hope in a relationship with Jesus. He asked the Lord into his life and willingly went to rehab, where he was diagnosed with refractive depression. The entire 40 days were spent getting him stabilized medically. He went to a 90 day program in California and then to a sober living house in Dallas. He felt so much guilt and shame and worthlessness and told his dad he was a "3 time loser and an addict." His next relapse on heroin led to his death.
The last times I saw him smile were when he was with family. He'd been gone so much of 2012 and he missed us so much, that the rare times he was able to be with us he smiled the whole time. Of course, when he was healthy, he smiled every time he was with his girlfriend, Ali, and when he got to be around her niece, Raegan. Some of the most precious pictures we have of Ray are of him with Raegan because his sweet, tender side was right there on the surface.
There is only one thing I do not miss about Ray: his addiction. That destroyed my beautiful son who gave the best hugs! I miss hearing him call me "Ma" and his chuckle. I miss looking at his hands, his eyes, his smile. I miss how he was so particular about the clothes he wore, and how even wearing jeans and a t-shirt they had to be clean and unwrinkled. I'll never know his children, or what he would have done with his life if he hadn't succumbed to the pain, guilt and shame he felt because of his addiction. I take comfort in knowing he is no longer suffering, but I miss him every second of every day.
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Lance Juracka
Age 36
36
Lance would not have talked about any of the things that I am about to say. He was very humble and never bragged or even spoke about his accomplishments of which there were many before his life became consumed by addiction. He had a hard time in high school because we moved during this time and he did not feel like he fit in. He did not graduate and later he got his GED and went to a small Community College. He then decided he would apply to NYU Film School even though he was told by his Advisors that it would probably be very hard to get in. He wrote a letter and that along with his grades got him accepted. This was the happiest time of his life. He loved creating and working with others that had the same vision. Lance was a true friend and never judgmental of others. He always saw the best in all people. Lance graduated from NYU Tisch Film School and made a short film while in school which was 9 years before his addiction. The film called, "Time's Up" is about 2 generations of a family struggling with addiction. In some way, his soul must have known that this would touch his life. He was a high achiever that was successful in all that he touched until addiction to alcohol took over his life and changed everything.
Lance went downhill very quickly. About 3 years before he died, he started having personal problems and at the same time he had a job writing for "Showbiz Magazine" in Las Vegas. He would review the shows and during this time, he was given free drinks. He never liked the taste of alcohol when he was younger but I can only guess that he found a way to dull the pain of what was going on in his life. He quickly because addicted and whenever he would try to withdraw, he would have seizures. His life became a vicious circle of him losing everything that was important to him because of drinking and hating himself because of it but continuing to drink to numb the pain. A year before he died, he went into rehab and those that loved him were so grateful that this might mean a recovery. Unfortunately, the sobriety was short lived and he went downhill even faster than before. His liver was giving out and his health was declining. He died in a single vehicle accident after drinking along with taking prescription medication.
Lance had the most amazing sense of humor. He could find humor in the littlest of things and he loved holidays and went out his way to make them very special.
I miss his fun loving personality and his love of family. I miss his funny stories and his creativity in coming up with inventions, writing songs and script ideas for shows. I was always in awe of his creative mind and his love of life.
Introduction
Lance had the most amazing sense of humor. He could find humor in the littlest of things and he loved holidays and went out his way to make them very special.
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Daniel Joseph Simard III

Age 30
Son, Brother, Grandson, Nephew, Friend
Daniel Simard III
Age 30
30

Dan was a bright young man who loved to make those around him smile.

Dan struggled with addiction for many years. He successfully completed 90 days of sobriety prior to relapsing, which led to his untimely passing.

Dan loved to be around friends and family. He also enjoyed a variety of activities and hobbies such as; basketball, snowboarding, bmx bike riding, skateboarding, fishing, and being outdoors.

Everything. The world is a darker place without his smile and sense of humor.

Introduction

Danny's infectious smile, quick wit, and humor, will be dearly missed by all who knew him. Dan was the forever jokester, so quick to make those around him smile, even though he carried so much pain within. We hope that his memory can help lead others who are also stuggling down a path to a brighter future.

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Salvatore Marchese
Age 26
26
Sal was born on April 11, 1984, two months premature. As my sister-in-law stated after his passing he came into this world early and left early.” Sal was an absolute beautiful child with a heart of gold. Sal was truly an old soul.” He was kind and sweet and cared so much about everyone. If you met Sal once, you were his friend forever. These next few words are borrowed from Sal's brother Vincent. “There were so many layers to Sal. At his very core, he was fiercely loyal, loving, sensitive, and moral. To coax a real smile from Sal was the greatest victory, but how beautiful it was!! Sal touched so many people during his life. Anybody who had met Sal knew that you couldn't do anything but love him"". "
Sal struggled with addiction through his high school years - he was embarrassed of his disease. From the time he was 18 years old he tried to get treatment and was in and out of rehab facilities never getting the proper treatment because he was never afforded any more than 11 days at a time - We always struggled with insurance trying to get approvals, never enough funding and/or beds to take him. He wanted help desperately but sadly never received the help he needed and deserved. In June of 2010 he was, for the first time approved under state funding for treatment. We were all so hopeful and happy because this was he first time he was able to get approved and we all believed this was a gift and Sal was on the road to recovery. 11 days later, we received a call that his funding had ran out and he was being released - his release papers were clearly marked "high risk for relapse" - but they still released him. We called every treatment center in the area to get him into another place, no one would take him - we lost Sal on September 23, 2010 from an accidental overdose. Sal was not alone when he died, but the person using with him left him alone to die -without calling for help - my son was left to die.
As mentioned earlier, to get a smile out of Sal was not easy - but when he did smile it was beautiful and the one thing that made him smile was his son - Salvatore. Seeing him look at his son with pride in his eyes was amazing. His son was 18 months old when Sal passed.
I miss everything about Sal. He had a quiet, beautiful presence, he was thoughtful and kind. Sal never went to bed without coming into my room to say good night and tell me that he loved me. I miss him popping his head in my bedroom to say I love you - good night. I just miss him being him and giving me his quirky smile - it was truly priceless. Sal and his sister Blake would sit on the back deck just about every night and talk - I miss looking out the back door and seeing them sitting together talking. Sal is forever missed and loved.
Introduction
I miss everything about Sal. He had a quiet, beautiful presence, he was thoughtful and kind. Sal never went to bed without coming into my room to say good night and tell me that he loved me. I miss him popping his head in my bedroom to say I love you - good night. I just miss him being him and giving me his quirky smile - it was truly priceless. Sal and his sister Blake would sit on the back deck just about every night and talk - I miss looking out the back door and seeing them sitting together talking. Sal is forever missed and loved.
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Daniel Eby
Age 35
35
Dan was my only child. He was born on a snowy night that I will always remember.His Dad left us when he was 5 and it was just him and me until he was 11 when I remarried. He always wanted a new Dad since his Dad didn't contact him. We had many good times but also some bad. For the last 8 years he has helped me grow our business C&E Tag and Title Service. He wasn't always dependable because of his addiction, but when he was there he was very good at what he did. He was going to take over my business one day. Two years ago he moved back home where my husband and I live and also his 10 year old daughter lives. His daughter has lived with us for the last 7 years because her Dad and Mom were both addicts.
Dan was an addict for 15 years. He was clean for a few years when he was in prison. He didn't always have money for his habit so he stole from me and my husband. Almost 4 years ago he went on methadone to stop the heroin. He did good for the first 2 years, but he started drinking heavy and that was a bad thing. Last year he got a DUI and wanted to get off the methadone. Earlier this year he was going to the clinic smelling of alcohol and about 6 months ago he was released from the clinic and then started having problems. He started stealing from me and his daughter to support his habit. It was getting bad. Then in June he said he wanted to stop and he tried to go to Bowling Green but could not get in then because there were no beds for men. He struggled for months and about 2 weeks before he died he started working harder and was taking suboxin to try to stop. He was doing pretty good and the week before he died he was talking about his future. It was the first time he talked about his future in a long time. It felt good to see that he really wanted to change and I was glad I was going to have my son back. When he got paid on October 4th he went and bought some heroin and asked a friend to get him suboxin because he didn't want to blow all his money on heroin. He got his usual amount of heroin but it was strong and while I was at work he locked his self in the bathroom and never came out. His daughter called me at work and said he was in the bathroom and not answering her. I knew what was happening and told her to get Pop Pop and try to beat on the door to get a response but he did not respond. I got home 15 minutes later and the ambulance was right behind me. I walked in the door to find my husband and neighbor trying to get in the bathroom but he was leaning on the door. The ambulance attendant finally got in the bathroom and they did everything they could but it was too late.
I think Dan's daughter Danielle made him smile the most. He was a very proud Dad and loved being with his beautiful daughter. We have lots of pictures of our summer vacations and he was always smiling at Danielle and when she looked at her Dad she smiled all the time well except when she got into trouble. I know I made him smile too. At work when he showed me up he would laugh and smile all the time. He loved when I was wrong about things. When he was growing up we moved back home with my Mom and I would save money so we could got on trips like to Disney World. For the most part we were a pair and kept each other happy.
I miss him taking care of his daughter. He was a good Dad sometimes I called him a drill Sargent because he would time her when she brushed her teeth and if she didn't do her two minutes he would complain to her. I miss him working with me and now I don't want to replace him. I just look at his empty desk. I miss his beautiful smile. Even when he was bad he just had a way of making it seem like it was not that bad. When I had problems I would talk to him and he would try to make me feel better. I just miss him so much. I just want him to walk in the door and hug me. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I do him. I just feel like I lost part of me and I can not get it back. My grand daughter said I cry to much and I tell her I can't help it because I want my baby back and I know he is not coming back.
Introduction
Dan was my only child. He was born on a snowy night that I will always remember.His Dad left us when he was 5 and it was just him and me until he was 11 when I remarried. He always wanted a new Dad since his Dad didn't contact him. We had many good times but also some bad. For the last 8 years he has helped me grow our business C&E Tag and Title Service. He wasn't always dependable because of his addiction, but when he was there he was very good at what he did. He was going to take over my business one day. Two years ago he moved back home where my husband and I live and also his 10 year old daughter lives. His daughter has lived with us for the last 7 years because her Dad and Mom were both addicts.
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Daniel Silverman
Age 19
19

Danny was one of those kids that always tried to make you laugh. Loved sports, football and baseball were his favorite, played from 5 years old on up through h.s.

I think Danny lacked self confidence and always had the need to "fit in." This ended up making him make bad choices.

Funny movies

His smile, laugh, and big hugs. Watching movies with him and just being there to talk to. He was my buddy.

Introduction

Danny was one of those kids that always tried to make you laugh. Loved sports, football and baseball were his favorite, played from 5 years old on up through h.s.

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Walter Maines II
Age 30
30
Carl was a loving, caring and compassionate Son, Brother and Father. If you needed a place to stay he never turned anyone away. He loved the simple things in life, he was not materialistic at all. He had a deep love for his family and never left without saying he loved you. He had a heart of gold. He is missed by all that knew him.
Carl was diagnosed with Bipolar in his early 20's. He tryed self medicating with alcohol. He went to rehab many times and did finally stop drinking. In his early 30's he was introduced to opiates and that was his demon for the rest of his life.
His Daughters Kaitlyn & Maghen always brought smiles to his face he adored them. His dog Max, Nascar, Star Wars collectibles and the Dallas Cowboys!!
I miss absolutely everything about my son. He was one of my best friends.
Introduction
Carl was a loving, caring and compassionate Son, Brother and Father. If you needed a place to stay he never turned anyone away. He loved the simple things in life, he was not materialistic at all. He had a deep love for his family and never left without saying he loved you. He had a heart of gold. He is missed by all that knew him.
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Sean Manning
Age 26
26
Sean was just a great kid...polite, respectful, loved playing with his cousins kept them all entertained with the funny noises he would make and the games he played with them. He rode motocross, motorcycles and dirt bikes...worked on cars.. He and his brother were inseparable when they were younger, always together. He was a kind, loving soul.
His struggle began in his mid-teens with marijuana. Sean had ADD, school was difficult for him. I think he was looking for a way to fit in..to feel normal. He was quiet and kept to himself but sometimes he would get emotional when we talked about what was going on with him. As he got older things got progressively worse rehab after rehab, IOP, incarceration, legal issues. It got overwhelming for him and so did the guilt. I think he would use to forget to numb himself from the pain of his guilt..for things that happened and people he hurt. That wasn't him...it was the drugs and I knew that.
Sean loved dogs...Wolfie, Franco and Fred. He would light up when his little cousins would all scream his name and be so excited to see him at family events. Christmas time he was like a little kid! He loved taking his quad out with his friends.
I miss his beautiful blue eyes. Him hollering "Hey Ma when's dinner?" His voice. His jokes..and pranks. His compassion, loyalty, his love.
Introduction
Sean was just a great kid...polite, respectful, loved playing with his cousins kept them all entertained with the funny noises he would make and the games he played with them. He rode motocross, motorcycles and dirt bikes...worked on cars.. He and his brother were inseparable when they were younger, always together. He was a kind, loving soul.
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Ryan Ray
Age 19
19

Ryan was one of the most loving caring people ever. He was always around to listen to peoples problems, and try to give them advice. He loved his family, and cherished the time he spent with family. He loved fishing and riding his 4 wheeler and loved his animals. He would go out of his way to help people in need. He had such a huge heart.

Ryan had learning disabilities all of his life and struggled in school. He also suffered from depresson and bi-polar disorder. No medications we could find would work for him. Some made him so sleepy, some too hyper, etc.. So as with many addicts, he started self medicating with marajuana to start out with at a very young age. We had him in and out of treatment facilities and programs from the time he was around 14 years old. Nothing worked long term, and eventually, it lead to pills, which eventually lead to heroin use. No amount of begging, pleading, threatening, forcing him to treatment facilities, trying to keep him inside, trying to keep him away from his (friends), worked.. A few good days, and he would be right back out there. I was on the verge of losing my job, running home to keep checking on him, and even told my job I needed to cut down my hours.. The day I was to start working part time instead of full time, is the day it was too late. That was the day Ryan never came home again.. That was the day we found out he had overdosed in someone elses home. That is the day that I will never forget, the day etched in my mind forever as the worst day in my life.
What made Ryan smile was being outdoors, fishing, and riding his 4 wheeler. Also, his cat P.D and his dogs, Trout and Louie! He loved his animals..
What I miss most about Ryan are his hugs, his smile, and his beautiful green eyes. I miss our long talks, and him being such a huge part of our family.
Introduction
Ryan was one of the most loving caring people ever. He was always around to listen to peoples problems, and try to give them advice. He loved his family, and cherished the time he spent with family. He loved fishing and riding his 4 wheeler and loved his animals. He would go out of his way to help people in need. He had such a huge heart.
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Austin Powers
Age 24
24
Yes, his name is/was really Austin Powers. As he liked to remind people, "way before the movie came out." Someone would joke about his name on a daily basis and he'd laugh right along with them. He thought it was hilarious when Facebook refused to let him create a profile with his own name, claiming he couldn't use a pseudonym. Austin was known for his hugs, sensitivity, laugh, looks and easy manner with both the young and old. He loved his son and family beyond comprehension.
"Austin's began exhibiting many of the symptoms we all know to be red flags by the age of 14. I wanted to hope his use was experimental, but I realized it wasn't fairly quickly -academic problems in 7th grade and emotional outbursts at home. Yet, he was still an amazingly loving brother and affectionate child. At the age of 14, I got Austin to agree to a treatment program that was somewhat controversial. He made friends quickly, and within a short period of time, was a designated mentor for incoming youth. Parents and the kids in the program were crazy about Austin. Austin made being sober fun. He had almost two years of sobriety and was hoping he was ""normal."" Sadly, he was quickly reminded that he was not - the sobriety didn't last. We would go through a few more rehab programs, periods of being clean/sober, times when I had my son back. When Austin was 17, I could not find a rehab program that would take him since he did not want to go. I had made him leave the house and he was living out of his truck. I'd never seen Austin be aggressive before this time. I made one of the toughest decisions of my life. I researched and visited several treatment facilities that would take Austin. I paid to have escorts pick him up in the middle of the night and they drove him to a lock-down school. It was an excruciatingly painful decision. After leaving the school, he once again was the son I had always known. Working a program, graduating high school. Relapse came again and hard! I applied to have him be on Intervention (TV program). 3 months of paid treatment, medical detox, etc. just couldn't be passed up. I had to take the chance. After a long process, they chose to feature Austin. Things were rocky in treatment. But upon his return to Colorado, he did well. His fiancé had his baby, he was clean/sober for 6 months. Relapse came again. He was ashamed, isolating himself. Wondering how he could have done this since he was now a father. "
People. Of all ages, shapes and sizes. After his death, I found worksheets in his car from his treatment program. One question asked "Do you get hugs often enough?" and his response was "every day!" He made people laugh and smile, and he did the same in return, despite the fact that he wasn't truly happy.
His voice. He called me nearly every day. I loved his greeting. "Hi mamasita, whatcha doin?" And always, always an "I love you." We'd get in texting battles. I love you, I love you more, I love you the most. His smell. I still have some of his unwashed clothing. I will have it forever. I sometimes get it out of the trunk and just breathe him in. His hugs. His love and concern for his sister. How he took care of his son. Ashamed, guilty, trying to keep his use a secret. Despite the struggles, he took care of his son. His persuasiveness - whether it was trying to talk me into making his favorite meal or making an ice cream run. Austin could have sold me a pile of dust and I would have felt as if I'd gotten the greatest bargain of my life. And in fact, I did.
Introduction
Yes, his name is/was really Austin Powers. As he liked to remind people, "way before the movie came out." Someone would joke about his name on a daily basis and he'd laugh right along with them. He thought it was hilarious when Facebook refused to let him create a profile with his own name, claiming he couldn't use a pseudonym. Austin was known for his hugs, sensitivity, laugh, looks and easy manner with both the young and old. He loved his son and family beyond comprehension.
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Alysa Ivy
Age 21
21
Alysa was a wonderful spirit, and had a presence about her to captivate an audience. Her contagious laugh and that beautiful smile which could light up a room made anyone who met her-never forget Alysa.With her head-strong demeanor she had plans to save the world; environmentally conscious and so creative in her art and drawings. Alysa was an old soul who fully embodied the expressions of “artistic” and “creative”. Her love of hip-hop and techno music could always be heard blaring from her car stereo. Born and raised in Plano, Texas and moved to Hudson, WI in her 10th grade year. She made friends very easily and cherished her many friends. Alysa had a very caring and compassionate heart and could make you laugh with her wittiness and heart of gold.
Alysa's journey with addiction began when she had her wisdom teeth removed the summer after her senior year and was given Oxycotin for the pain and swelling; and that is all it took. She loved the feeling and her addiction went into full-blown overload. Unfortunately, the next phase was heroin going from smoking to snorting and then IV use. She embraced sobriety through treatment and triumphed for many months, but sadly only to be drawn back by its deeply entrenched hold onto her soul. She never wanted this life and was so trying to stay clean, but the need and desire of the demon won and she lost her battle to her addiction.
Alysa had the most beautiful smile, and it did not take much for her to smile.
I miss everything about Alysa, not a day goes by that I do not wish I could have just one more day, one more moment to have her with me. My life as I knew it~~will never be the same and I have a huge void and hole in my heart without my daughter, Alysa to be a part of it.
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Roland (Earl) Bousquet
Age 48
48
Earl has 4 children, 3 daughters and a son. He loved his children very much and always tried his best to support them. Earl was a social butterfly; he knew every person that walked down the street and he could chat about anything and everything. He was a mechanic and loved anything to do with cars. Earl liked the outdoors; he loved taking walks to the river and spending time in the backyard having bonfires and cooking steaks on the BBQ every Sunday evening.
Since Earl was a teen, he experimented with many drugs and along the way he developed alcoholism and an addiction to crack cocaine. For many years, he struggled with these demons and very sadly, he became ill as a result and passed away from complications with this liver and throat.
Earl's children made him smile. He was very proud of his daughter and he bragged to his friends about her accomplishments.
I (his youngest daughter) miss having my daddy; he went to Heaven when I was only 14. He always made people smile and he protected his family at all times. He was loving, funny and a good person to be around. Everyone that knew him misses him.
Introduction
Earl has 4 children, 3 daughters and a son. He loved his children very much and always tried his best to support them. Earl was a social butterfly; he knew every person that walked down the street and he could chat about anything and everything. He was a mechanic and loved anything to do with cars. Earl liked the outdoors; he loved taking walks to the river and spending time in the backyard having bonfires and cooking steaks on the BBQ every Sunday evening.
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