The National Addiction Memorial honors the loved ones we’ve lost.

Patrick was my only child, he was so much like me, we had so much in common. As he emerged into adulthood it was such a pleasure to spend time with him. He was so funny, caring, and compassionate.
Never liked school too much and was ecstatic when he graduated high school to finally be done but his passion for cooking and creating far outweighed his dislike for school and much to my surprise he decided to go back to school to pursue his degree in culinary arts, which he obtained in 2012.
During his time in college he started having migraine/cluster headaches which were debilitating for him. I believe it was during this time when he started self medicating with prescription opiates and from there led to using heroin.
He went to detox several times over the next few years and finally into the CDU at a local hospital. It was there he got into outpatient treatment using Vivitrol which seemed to be the answer. For 18 months he went monthly and got his Vivitrol injection and was doing great.
Then this May on his birthday he skipped his monthly injection and wanted to try and get by without it, he thought he'd turned the corner...
He came home from work on Friday August 4 and said he was going out to the MGM casino for the evening, everything seemed fine.
I went to bed a little after 11 and knocked on his door and asked if he was still going out to which he replied "I think so". He sounded fine.
I woke up Saturday morning and saw the light still on in his room so I tapped on the door and called out to him several times. I finally opened the door to find him on the floor next to his bed, dead from a "mixed drug overdose" of heroin, fentanyl, and Xanax. I had no idea he had started using again.

I miss his smile, his laugh, talking with him about sports, his cooking or just his day.

I was truly blessed to have him in my life and miss him so very much. Life will never be the same without him in it.

Damn this disease.

Ryan was a loving and caring son, brother, uncle, and friend. Ryan had a contagious smile and a laugh to match. He struggled with addiction for many years and recently left rehab due to a medical problem. This was a week before his older brother found him in a garage unresponsive with 2 empty bags of fentanyl laced heroin by his side. Efforts to revive Ryan were unsuccessful. I miss him so much. I will always remember Ryan with that lil crooked smile and his curious way of always wanting to tear things apart just to fix it. He was one of a kind. I love and miss you My Ry-Ry. We all do....

Alana was smart, funny, talented, athletic, warm, kind, and beautiful. She struggled with anxiety from her childhood and depression joined her team of challenges not long after. She started self-medicating as a young teen, and in spite of her dreams, best intentions, and hard work, addiction became an enemy she could not defeat. She lost her battle at 18, in spite of her efforts and the love and support of family and friends. Missed every moment, her memory is always with us.

Here is an excerpt of a letter Barry wrote to me while in treatment in September 2008. He had been sober about three weeks. He was in a Dual Diagnosis treatment center, on mental health meds, but not feeling regulated yet. Sadly, he never did feel regulated on meds.

These are Barry's words...

"Depression is like an accomplice to my addiction; they work together in their crimes tormenting my mind and soul. When the depression is arrested the addiction can't work hard enough to bring me down, but when depression runs free, I struggle hard fighting my addiction. But a great choice sits before me when they both run ramped. "Use or don't Use!" The depression makes me miserable no matter what choice I choose, the difference is the level of suffering I go through and the damage done to my mind is like night and day! I suffer brain damage and emotional distortions when I don't use on such a HIGH level, like I said it's like night & day. But if I do use I suffer mild brain damage and minor distortions of emotions and lose my soul in the process. ( Soul Not Spirit, Example: Soul is your personality and thought process, spirit is your life "everlasting" ) My Spirit belongs to Yahweh, but my soul is what makes me unique to my passions here on earth. I hope this does not confuse you. This is just how I know this thing to work, and the only way I can explain it.

Using dope I save my mind and protect my emotions more than I would not using, but I lose my soul and suffer inescapable bodily damage, which is rather minor compared to not using. Now when I refrain I can keep my soul but I lose my mind, thus resulting in my emotions tormenting me, without rest. Both ways are deadly, but the difference is I die in peace. I'm still dying mother, I can't change the way I was made. I just want you to understand me in the end."
Barry Falzone, 2008

In memory of a young man that has left us all, long before his time.
His family, friends, and acquaintances will miss his beautiful person.
Rest In Peace.

An avid music lover, Mary Ellen loved playing her favorite tunes loudly and dancing around the house for hours. Her passion for the arts extended to other forms as well and her home was filled with numerous paintings, photographs, and sculptures. Aside from her love of the arts, Mary Ellen possessed an innate ability to bring comfort to those around her. Commonly referred to as "Mama D" by many of her "adopted children," she was rich with people who appreciated her for her giant heart and free spirit. If she wasn't out finding new art it was common to find her deep in conversation with loved ones telling them to pursue the paths that would make them the happiest in life. As a mother, she encouraged her children to get involved in whatever made them happy and always supported even their craziest endeavors. She was a woman who never walked into a room unnoticed and her booming voice, warm greetings, and contagious laugh are things that will be treasured forever by all those who loved her.

Mary Ellen struggled with addiction for the better part of 20 years. Her battle with substance use was like that of many others, up and down, with good times and bad. Just two weeks before her 60th birthday she ended her fight with addiction and passed on to the next chapter of her existence. She is missed by many, from both family to friends, and we hope that donations made in her name will help other families struggling with this illness.

My brother suffered from this disease for several years before he finally passed December 14th, 2016. As I sat down to write his memorial, the last years of his life were hard for him, as well as for the rest of our family, as we tried in so many different ways to help him overcome it. My older brother wrote a passage from "A River Runs Through It" that I think encompasses what most people have had to deal with:
“Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.”
We loved Brian, we loved him with our whole heart, he was more than just a person with an addiction, he was a kind and caring person, he was one of the most persistent people I have ever known. He loved the outdoors and taking photos of the beautiful surrounding of Glacier National Park where we both grew up. He loved people and animals, and he had a desire to do more with his life.
His addiction was not a moral failure. Whatever he did to overcome his addiction, we know he did his best. However we tried to help him, we know that we too did our best with the knowledge that we had. There is no blame. There is only love. Brian fought bravely, he struggled, but he fought it the best he could. Ultimately the disease took his life but it could never take our love for him. We will forever be proud of him and we will forever love him.

William (Billy) Charles Decker, beloved son and brother, lost his battle with addiction Tuesday afternoon at his home in Armonk. Born on August 29, 1985, Billy attended Iona Prep before graduating from The Brunswick School in 2004. He then went on to receive his Bachelor’s degree from Northeastern University in Boston. Billy was known for his enthusiasm for sports, especially basketball, which was his passion. He was also an avid Knicks fan. Not only did he love to play, but also took great pleasure in watching his younger siblings and cousins. He went to Madison Square Garden every chance he could due to his LOVE for the Big East conference, specifically the St. John’s Red Storm and never accepted the dismantling of “the real Big East” conference. Although Billy was a living and breathing Giants football TRUE BLUE fan he was happiest when watching his little brother, Kevin, who attended the University of New Hampshire play football. Billy loved attending UNH football games, he was Kevin’s #1 fan and was beloved by the team. Billy was constantly rocking his Yanks sweatshirt and flat-brimmed hat, which were a part of him, screaming his love for the Yankees. Billy found great joy in visiting his sister, Samantha, in the Vermont Mountains to snowboard and be among friends. Billy is survived by his parents, Charlene and Bill, his sister, Samantha, and his brother Kevin, many aunts, uncles, and cousins, who he loved dearly. He also leaves behind his two four legged buddies, Jake and Bodie. It is with a heavy heart that Billy leaves us, the pain will be with us forever. We are thankful for the short time that we were given with Billy and find relief that his pain and struggles are over. We are left with beautiful memories that will forever live in our hearts.

There is no single answer as to why Rob began his substance use. Rob's chronic disease started with college drinking and gradually progressed to prescription opioids and finally to heroin. He had no way of knowing that opioids would eventually change his brain structure in such a way that drugs became necessary for him to just "feel normal." His addiction was not a moral failure. Whatever he did to overcome his addiction, we know he did his best. However we tried to help him, we know that we too did our best with the knowledge that we had. There is no blame. There is only love. Rob fought bravely, he struggled, but the drugs overpowered him. Ultimately the disease took his life but it could never take our love for him. We will forever be proud of him and we will forever love him.

Rob's death should not define him. He lived a remarkable life filled with joy and love. He was warm, caring, and compassionate to others, friends and strangers alike. He could "dazzle" us with his beautiful blue eyes, and keep us laughing with his quick wit. He was so smart. He had a bright future in finance. He had a vast knowledge of music, books, technology, sports, cooking, and all things Pittsburgh. He loved discovering new restaurants. He loved to snowboard in Colorado, where he lived for a few years. He loved going with his friends to as many concerts as he could... live shows were a true passion. He was interested in photography and took endless pictures of his adopted home of NYC, and of his nephew, Sammy, whom he adored. He would have loved having two nephews (Theo was born two years after Rob died, and shares so many characteristics of his Uncle Robbie, especially his humor!). He loved to travel and meet new people. He had known love and suffered some heartbreaks along the way. But most of all, Rob had a fierce love for his friends and family, especially his parents and his twin sister, Katy. He lived an amazing life for 35 years, one that we were all blessed to be a part of.

Duane Newell was so many things to do many people. He was known as an avid athlete and adrenaline junky, a compassionate leader, a doting husband, a loving and tender father, the friend who’d always be there to move your furniture or hear you pour your soul out without judgement and he’d always give the most direct truthful advice. The truth is, Duane had the tough guy exterior but was a humble, tender, kind soul on the inside.

He was always the life of the party; even after he gave up drugs and alcohol. His struggle with addiction spanned two decades and ended when he saw the pain it was causing his wife and young daughters.

During his 22 years of sobriety, before his tragic death, he dedicated himself to helping hundreds of others on their road to recovery. The lives he impacted or positively influenced left a large footprint in his community.

On December 1, 2017, Duane lost his life in a motorcycle accident. The hole left in the hearts of so many can only be lessened by remembering the full life he led, the positive impact that he made in this world and knowing that he is with God now.

Tristan was my sweet and sassy mini-me. She was a daughter, sister, mother, and wife. Tristan started social using and drinking during her early teen years. Being born a child of alcoholics, losing her father at a young age to alcohol issues, having an absent mother, and giving birth to her own beautiful daughter while in her teens, made it too easy to turn her social use to full blown addiction in a very short time. After years of using, several rehabs, stress, heartache, and struggle, Tristan went to sleep and never woke up. It was not an overdose, her poor abused 27 year old body, old soul, and troubled heart gave up the fight and found peace in the middle of the night. I pray no other parent has to experience their child overcoming addiction by death. I will fight the addiction battle of the world in her honor. Rest babygirl, Momma will take it from here.

Josh's addiction all started when he was in a motorcycle accident and had to be hospitalized for weeks. He was on a morphine drip then sent home with prescriptions for opioids which back then we were unaware of just how addicting they really were. If we had known, we probably would not have been giving them to him as prescribed. This was beginning of the end for our only son. He then moved to heroine as it became all too easy to get in our small town. He tried the suboxone program which he was thrown out of for testing positive for marijuana. Unbelievable right? He almost had his addiction beat only using about once or twice a month. and then on May 31 he used again. Unknowingly, the heroine was laced with fentanyl which took his life and broke my heart forever. Rip jmb

Born Bridget Fay Broadway she was always a fun loving happy child. She fell in love at 15, got pregnant, and married the man she loved. At 17, she was told her son had multiple birth defects. At 19, she was widowed when husband killed himself. She battled addiction and mental illness ( bipolar-suicidal-borderline personally disorder and addictive personality). After many doctors, she was given an rx to help. She would crash and have to go into the hospital to get stable. At 40, she became a grandmother but could not relate to a normal life and was in trouble over silly stupid behaviors which were part mental, part dependency issues. Never violent--just as cops said, wrong place, wrong time. At 41, her only child was killed in car wreck. Devastated, she went back to drinking but did go rehab 30 days in GA. This seemed to wake her up to life. Went into a mental health assistance and group home. Never adjusted well to restricted living and finally got approved for an apt in 2011. Participated in mental health programs but still had a hard time coping with life. Lived alone 5 years but supervised by a case worker. Found out she had cirrhosis in 2016. Health declined rapidly and she had back issues and also a knee replacement- neck bone surgery and a lot of pain. She was in a pain clinic, where she had be tested for drugs last year when they refused to see her due to bad test results. Was to go back for shots in her spine - steroid- to reduce pain and get OxyContin that they had been giving her over a year. She did have appt for shots which would help pain. She decided 02-09-17 to get “thrashed” and took all her kalonopin, drank 2 beers to a pain pill. Dropped dead after 12:30 am in apt. Took three days to locate her since she was supposed to go to family and never showed (was not uncommon). She never knew what hit her. Only took 20 minutes to go to brain and completely shut down breathing. Found her where she hit floor and she never moved.

Devin was a beautiful, gentle, introspective soul who saw spirituality and meaning in the everyday. He loved the ocean, nature, music, art, people and animals, especially his cat Reggae. He died of a heroin overdose after many years of battling addiction and his family believes speaking the truth may help others. He left us way too soon and will be missed always.

Staci wanted to DO everything. She wanted everyone to be her friend. She wanted to be on the Honor Roll. She wanted to play in every sport, on every team. She wanted to talk and be heard all the time. She wanted people to listen to her, to play with her, to learn with her, to laugh with her, and to party with her. She didn't care about convention, or rules, or manners, or safety, or worries, or time. She was magic and spirited, and so much fun to be around. Her imagination blurred a bit with reality, but she didn't care. She loved me and she knew how much I loved her. She loved her son Eli Gabriel, and when we lost him to Tay Sachs Disease when he was three, we heard Staci when she repeated that she only wanted to join him. We wanted Staci in OUR world, but she inhabited her own time and space. And in the end, she chose to NOT chose sobriety, to follow no rules, to reject the boundaries of a harsh life, and to lie down and rest with her son.

Peter started with marijuana in early HS years, expanded to alcohol and Xanax in college. Then added cocaine into the mix while having periods of time where his use of marijuana and Xanax would be minimal. However, his “self-medicating” peaks and valleys that were few in his early teens were growing in intensity and frequency during his college years. What Peter really needed was the best mix of professional aid/treatment along with the informed and proper support and help of his entire family, relative, friend, and university/community network. He needed treatment, but thought he had control, knowledge, experience, and the willpower/strength that would allow him to be a recreational user through his college years while continuing to be successful. He was a loyal, friendly, caring, passionate, intelligent boy becoming a man that had hopes, dreams, desires that simply could not be fulfilled while under the influences and effects of drugs. Together, let’s get better informed, educated, and active in order to better prevent and/or help others like him.

The Fox family is currently focusing its fundraising with “Your Choice” based out of Hartland, Wisconsin. However, we are just now being exposed to Shatterproof and would like to learn more about what seems to be a very well organized and run program on many fronts. Sincerely, Tim Fox